Some New Crazy Illness

to feel

2011-10-23T22:59:00.003-04:00

To feel this useless. To know that everything would change if I didn't feel so negative. To know the answer and not the question. To let go of the important because the small and insignificant truth is intimidating you already. To cry in silence and to hide the screams of the sorrows that torture your soul. To aim and lose. To love and hate. To speak. To talk. To hear. To listen. To put the table for lunch and cook dinner for a husband coming back from work. From the war. From the distant hidden dark. To control. To control yourself. To control your situation. To shape others' situations. To lose them. To miss them. To forgive them. To forget them. To forgive me and you. To apologize. To regret. To remember. To silence the crying in the lost darkness of a wandering soul. To you and me. To the I that matters. To the I that feels. To the I that goes. To the I that does not. To the time that has passed and that will not come back. To the regrets we feel together. To the regrets I have of you and the ones You of I. To love and to cry for it is not true that love is understandable but surely should be enjoyable. To the love that hurts and does not let happiness exist in my life.

Cuevana | The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

2011-10-19T01:26:00.000-04:00

Cuevana | The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Closure

2011-04-22T03:13:00.005-04:00

How do I tell you that I wanna be with you so badly? How can I tell you if our timing is never right...? How do I tell you I've been waiting for someone like you but when I finally get to see the real you is not what I want?

How do I tell myself it is ok to think I want something and when I see how that actually would (not) work let it go if inside I feel all I care about is you wanting to be with me...? How do I let you go when you were never here anyways? How do I erase memories I created in my mind when all the real ones were painful and empty of passion, thoughtfulness, or even love?

I do, I just see you for who you are and what I become when I'm around you. I do, I just forget all the memories that never existed and remember all the times your indifference hurt me. I do, I accept that wanting something to the extreme of changing it in my mind so it wouldn't feel so wrong is actually wanting something different, something better, something else...

Fight Club

2011-04-05T00:21:00.005-04:00

"All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not."

"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

"The things you own end up owning you."

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken."

One size doesnt fit all

2011-03-29T01:07:00.006-04:00

When you talk about time you make me wander of times we haven't shared but that I've imagined infinite times in my mind. You make me think of all the things I would say when I wake up and dial the phone. The silences I would love to share with you in middle of a sunset sitting in the stairs and playing with my fingers in your hair. I imagine walking next to you and daydreaming at the same time, singing songs when we are apart, and surprising you at your job. I wonder if we ever had a chance. I wonder if they weren't here, would you ask me out?

Would you ever be so brave to face your own fears and let go of the ones that have hurt you and give a chance to the ones that have only helped you? Would you let me in your life not as a friend but as a girl? Would you let me in your heart and give it to me to take care of it? Would you care for me back? Would your smile still be the same that when you laugh at our conversations? Would you ask me out?

I want to stop wandering and live up the dream, the dream of you wanting me, not even loving, but wanting to try it. Just wanting to know what it feels like being someone like me. I want you to see what I see: a sea of chances awaiting for you to chose one from them. All I want is not to be the only one dreaming of different realities were we are actually together.

I feel the fear in my bones, telling me what a bad idea this is. I feel it in my heart, screaming at my mind, telling it that we are gonna get hurt because there are too many unknown variables. I also listen to my being screaming that this is right. Wanting you is what I feel in every part of my being. There isn't a single cell that isn't telling me you are worth all of this.

I don't even wanna know what we would do in a month, week, or day. I just want a minute worth of us, of a real us.

I am tired of trying, I want to be, and if there is anyone I want to be with is you.

M.

2011-03-10T00:11:00.008-05:00

I wish i could see you for who you are.

Not me thinking you're different,

special, or even cute.

I wish I didn't need to lie

to myself believing things

will change when

we keep doing the same.

I wish you were here

so I would stop imagining

what it would be.

qrt.

2011-03-08T23:12:00.000-05:00

Necesito volver a encontrarme, necesito decirle a esa persona que llefo aca hace cuatro anos que no cambie, que sea lo que es y quiera ser ella misma todo el tiempo. necesito de sus palabras de furia y guerras, las peleadas a muerte, las escondidas, las sucias, y las desgastadas. necesito ensenarle que lo que puede ser a veces es peor de lo que es y lo que es puede ser mejor sin cambiarlo. necesito decirme cuan vacio esta el cuarto y cuan desesperado esta el corazon. necesito de mi ahora mismo para callar este silencio que me pide a gritos quererme.

te veo.

2011-03-07T21:06:00.010-05:00

Quiciera verte como sos.

Quiciera saber la verdad de tu esencia.

Quiciera saber de que esta hecha tu alma.

La noche cae sobre mis hombros y al mirar atras veo sombras de lo que eramos y dejamos escapar. Te pense demasiado y cuando entendi que lo que pensaba no era real me di cuenta que no tan solo me perdi en vos pero en la ilusion que todos son de una forma en la que yo projecte mis suenos...

Me di cuenta que vos eras vos y nada de lo que yo queria que fueras era verdad. Una parte de mi desperto. Otra sigue despertando. La luz alumbra mis ojos y los refleja en vos las veces que me miras.

Te pido que no me mientas.

Quiciera ser lo que vos me sonas asi como quiciera que vos fueras mi sueno hecho real. Quiciera besarte y hundirme en tus brazos, hacer que el sueno sea verdad y n

o una fantasia infantil de cuentos de hadas y hechizos magicos que enriedan nuestros corazones en un amor ficticio.

Quiciera amarte por lo que sos y no por lo que quiero que seas.

Quiciera dejar de querer absolutamente todo para librarme y librarte de mi mente. Te quiero dar todo y a pesar que tengo nada, es la entrega la que me mata de furia y temblor...

Cuando estas al lado mio y pienso

en besarte pero me doy cuenta

que no sos real.

Que todo vos sos un delirio

de mi mente que viaja

en el tiempo

buscandote en algun momento

donde amarte

no fuera tan incorrecto.

palabras.

2011-01-30T15:58:00.003-05:00

Y la intensa necesidad de amarte,

pero no saber quien sos...

querer creer que somos unicos

y no tenerte para amarte.

Decirte cuanto te necesito,

sentirme ilusa e inocente.

Quererte,

porque es mas facil que dejarte ir.

Querer decirte lo que siento

y sentirme perdida.

Querer dejar de mirarte

y encontrar que vos tambien

estas mirando...

Decirte hola y que te quedes callado.

Decirte te amo y sentirte con miedo.

Irme, y saber que no vendras detras

de mi para detenerme.

Mirar atras y ver que no estas,

mirar y decir adios al aire.

Mirarme y decir te extrano,

porque hay un pequeno sueno

que dejo de existir

porque nunca fue real.

Verte en la calle y pretender no conocerte.

Decir adios al sueno y desconocerlo.

again.

2011-01-26T23:48:00.004-05:00

I love you, day and night. I love you, even when you don't. I love you when it's dark. I love you in front of the sun. I love you when you are quiet and when we are quite loud. I love you when we are together and when you are gone. I love you when we argue and I love you when we are done. I love you when you smile. I love your hands and your hugs. I love the sound of the phone when I receive your call. I love waiting for you to be in time and getting mad when you are late so I punish you by being upset and making you feel guilty even if it's only for a little while. I love saying "I don't know" and drive you nuts. I love singing out loud because I'm thinking of us. I love the fact that I am and sometimes you are.

Numb

2011-01-21T16:18:00.006-05:00

Something tells me to go on. To believe in that things happen for a reason. I tell myself life is more than facts and dates, more than words and books... I tell myself that thing always get better and that every thing has a purpose to make me learn how to live life to the best of my abilities. I try to understand how to be myself in a world that pleasing others is as important to succeed.

I can't stop thinking of the things I've done wrong, of the things I've spoiled, of the things that will never be the same because I didn't do my best. I try to tell myself that if they are ruined it is because it was supposed to happen, but what if they didn't... What if they were meant to grow into something even better and somehow my actions destroyed the path? I try not to feel remorse and try to fix them... but sometimes fixing it is not enough and there is nothing anyone can do to bring them back to how they were.

I try to feel smart, capable, and accountable for all my actions but there is this emptiness inside me that eats my soul and brings me down to my lowest. It's a place of memories, pain and suffering, it's a place of grays and question marks that comes to its boiling point every time I let the shield down. Keeping it up all the time isn't the solution either. I wish I could but I know I would shut so many great people out of my life I would end up alone anyways.

2011

2011-01-19T23:27:00.002-05:00

Maybe it's just a feeling but somehow i thought I had already made an entry this year but I guess not... a particular quote of my own that I feel it's extremely realistic for what the last couple of weeks have been for me is:

"it's when it hurts the most that you need to keep your eyes open. you might just wake up from a bad dream or have been given the chance to change it all."

Roten

2010-12-29T22:27:00.005-05:00

How to look him in the eye? how to be nice and be safe at the same time? how to understand the nature of his soul if you can't believe he has one...? how to let it go when your own safety is at risk every second he looks at you in an inappropriate way? how to hug him if every inch of yourself tells you he's going to touch you?

She wonders so many times how to act around him, how to be the loving creature she is when all she can think is that he will indeed do something to be closer to her and invade her soul not letting her be free of fear. It is so hard to see her fight herself to keep distance and to embrace him as her family. It is hard because I see how scared she is and the inability of saying something is killing her like a bomb from within that eats her alive. She remembers the days when this wasn't a problem and misses them because they seem never to come back. There is voice in her head that hasn't stopped screaming in the longest time.

I feel her disgusted by the thought of him doing things thinking of her, wanting to scream and tell the world what a pervert this perfect looking person really is. I hate seeing her twitch because she can't erase the image of him getting aroused while staring at her even when having a communal dinner. I know she suffers thinking of what would happen if she talks. I know because her eyes can't hide her soul, can't hide the fear, can't hide the silent screams.

I wish she breaks out from her own barriers and even if she doesn't speak of it to others, she stops telling herself it's ok.

Caricias

2010-12-21T22:35:00.010-05:00

Besos, carino, me hacen falta besos en los labios y risas en mis oidos. me hacen falta palabras y abrazos. me hacen falta esos sonidos que solo pasan si estamos juntos. me hace falta la expresion de alegria en tu cara cuando me ves y me hablas de cosas que no entiendo. me hace falta que tu mano me toque la piel y puedas transmitir una sensacion de seguridad a mi ego.

U will be my forever Paris.

2010-12-15T11:26:00.002-05:00

Because when the lights go off, I start thinking about you and everything else doesnt matter. Just knowing the love we have for each other and the strength of our bond can get me thru everything and that my words help you overcome difficult paths is the most rewarding kind of relationship I've ever had. I know I dearly wish to be there with you and share this day, share everyday in our hearts today has to be enough, because the distance is bringing us together and not apart as we have proved all these years. The bond I feel in my soul with you is never broken and today more than ever I'm hugging you, letting you know how much I love you and how important you are in my life. Forever yours,

Your Paris.

sometimes a picture is better than thousand words.

2010-12-03T01:44:00.002-05:00

peque

2010-11-23T00:58:00.003-05:00

i miss you, i miss you more than I can actually explain. I miss your voice and miss your touch. I miss you calling me and saying "you're late". I miss you picking up at home and after, bringing me back. I miss you saying "peque" and miss me smiling back at you. I miss you telling me "don't leave" and I miss you saying "stay with me." I miss you, when the lights go off and it's time to sleep but I can't because I wish you were here. I miss you when we talk because I don't have you next to me to goof around and win. I miss you because I remember how perfect we were for each other and those times are long gone.

ella.

2010-11-22T18:30:00.000-05:00

donde estas? quiero verte. donde estas? quiero escucharte. donde estas? quiero hablarte. donde estas? quiero abrazarte. donde estas? quiero dejar de extranarte. donde estas? quiero dejar de sonarte. donde estas? quiero dejar de escuchar musica que me recuerde a vos. donde estas? quiero dejar de ver peliculas que me recuerden a vos. donde estas? quiero dejar de sentir este vacio por tu ausencia. donde estas? quiero dejar de preguntarte y encontrarte tocando el timbre inexistente de mi puerta. donde estas? quiero dejar de escribir y decirte a la cara todo lo que quiero que escuches. donde estas? hoy no es suficiente estar sacando mi "extranamiento" por escrito y no hay un portal magico que te deje aparecer en mi casa. Hoy simplemente no es suficiente y no hay nada que yo pueda hacer para que en tus manos aparescan una visa y un pasaje. Y hoy me revienta demasiado.

dot

2010-11-21T21:54:00.002-05:00

Tonite I'm just wandering about saying things to people and people telling me things that I'm not prepared to hear. Tonight I wish I was stronger and more polite. Sometimes I just should shut up.

es-cri-bir

2010-11-18T02:16:00.002-05:00

Sentada en este cuarto, esperando que mis ojos se cierren y de repente despierte recordando que tengo que dormir porque manana esa prueba es lo unico que me separa del fin de semana. Trato de evitar distraerme pero como siempre tengo el impulso de hacer lo que no necesito en el momento que tengo que hacer algo mas. Es particular el interes que tengo en encontrar paradigmas de la vida a horas de examenes que deberian ser mi prioridad. Obviamente hoy no es la exepcion.

Hoy me encuentro en este pequeno cuarto, mirando como la gente pasa y se pierde entre los otros cuartos, mesas, o simplemente se van a sus casas. Trato de leer y de razonar lo que estoy leyendo pero hay una pequena voz que me dice "escribi. Escribi estas cosas que estas sintiendo y que te invaden el alma con mas fuerza que un torrente de agua en mares revoltosos." Sinceramente no puedo hacer suficiente incapie en describir que las sensaciones que tengo cuando estoy escribiendo me llenan de alegria, de energia, de simplemente querer correr, sin direccion particular pero al mismo tiempo en todas las direcciones posibles. Quiciera tener mas claro de que quiero escribir pero a veces no puedo y tan solo me sale hablar de lo que escribir significa para mi. Es como cabalgar un caballo sin la posibilidad de caerme, es llegar al fondo del mar y resurgir sin ahogarme, es dar un abrazo y sentir que no tengo que separarme jamas.

Hoy quizas es un dia especial y finalmente he encontrado las palabras que describen lo que es poder decir lo que siento y lo que veo, es poder decir "aca estoy" sin gritarlo, sin demostrarlo, sin verlo. Hoy me encuentro en este pequeno cuarto y se que manana, el manana que vendra mucho tiempo despues de estos examenes, pruebas, y tareas, tambien podre escribir sobre lo que veo, siento, y quiero.

Hoy tan solo quiero verme y escribir.

I wander...

2010-11-16T23:34:00.003-05:00

Sometimes is more important to know who you are than going in quests asking others to tell you what they think of you. Sometimes is just more important to trust yourself rather than asking others if they trust you. Sometimes all you need to do is to have a little faith and remember that in life such things as coincidences don't exist. I wish I could explain the feelings that now are running so fast through my heart, my soul. I wish I could tell someone to grab my hand and just transmit somehow all the thoughts that can’t stop falling in my brain. I sure wish I could let go of some impossible expectations I have of other people and only focus on my goals, dreams, and trust that I'm wise enough to choose the right path for me. I wander about life and what I might end up doing of mine but somehow I feel there are some things that are only uncovered with time and after certain experiences have been lived.

Samantha: u are my hero

2010-11-03T01:27:00.002-04:00

“Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.”

“I'm gonna say the one thing you aren't supposed to say. I love you... but I love me more. I've been in a relationship with myself for 49 years and that's the one I need to work on.”

“Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls... because they can.”

Paris is still waiting for us.

2010-11-03T00:57:00.007-04:00

Hoy necesito hacerte entender lo que vos sos para mi. Hoy no puedo decir, "ella ya lo sabe." Hoy tengo demasiada bronca porque necesito tenerte a mi lado, sacando fotos estupidas y sin sentido, escraches que nos hacen reir pero que estan guardadas en mi compu y en la tuya. Hoy el dia no tuvo 24 horas sino 24 anios de distancia entre mi y mis sentimientos, por un momento pense que los habia perdido cuando por casualidad entre a tu blog y empece a leer desde el primero que subiste. y vi un par de cosas que nunca las habia encontrado, cosas donde hablas de nuestra amistad, de "la rubia," de todo.

Y yo se que no empezas oraciones con Y pero tengo que decir Y me senti tan bien y tan mal, tengo tantas ganas de llorar porque hace 3 meses te vi y es como si fueran anios, no puedo con la distancia, no puedo con el hecho que no se cuantos mas meses nos separan de nuestro proximo encuentro. No puedo encontrar la forma de conformar todos los mundos en los que vivimos. Odio esta impotencia, la odio porque me hacer dar cuenta de que tan poco poder tenemos sobre nuestras propias vidas. Me da bronca querer estar al lado tuyo hablando de chicos, del futuro, de peliculas, de libros, de vos y de mi, de nosotras, de posibles viajes, de viajes imposibles, de actores que violariamos, de chicos que le dariamos, de hombres que nos gustaria supieran que existimos, no nosotras per se, pero que somos tan reales como las rubias huecas de las q quizas deseamos tener un par de sus cualidades...

Necesito de ese calorcito que me das cuando me quedo en tu casa... del tecito o mate y la galletita y el dormi con los angelitos. Necesito mimarte y hacerte saber que si hay alguien en este planeta que merece encontrar amor sos vos y nadie mas. Necisito llevarte al teatro y mostrarte Grand Central y sacarnos SATC pics, vos podes ser la que mas te guste y yo Samantha.

Podriamos decir que estoy en caprichosa, que me agarro un berrinche, que los pocos tornillos que me quedaban se fueron por la ventana y probablemente tendrias razon. Quiero contarte de mis andanzas y travesuras, de Halloween pero quiero hacerlo cara a cara. Quiero que me mires y me re cagues a pedos porque pensas que "va a terminar mal" y despues analicemos la situacion desde 600 angulos diferentes.

Quiciera dejar de extranarte pero eso seria como pedirle a mi corazon que dejara de latir. Es asi de mucho como te adoro, te quiero, te amo.

sigh.

2010-11-02T23:32:00.005-04:00

Today I found this song that i really like and have been listening to it about 60 times already. I probably like it because of the lyrics and the music but also because of the overall of the song and how her voice makes you feel how she felt, or at least how the character from the song did. I feel an incredible energy when I listen to it and I even used it when at the gym... Kind of funny that the song is not even fast or anything like that but you can guess I loved it because I was at the gym for around three hours and there was only one song on the playlist.

Tonight is definitely a weird night, it has been that way since monday when the phone didn't actually ring... So I told myself he's respecting the three day rule and suddenly I realized I had to do a phone call myself... Today I've started the process of being honest not only with someone but with myself. It would be unrealistic to put all the guilt in someone else if I am an elephant walking down the street, I even should feel lucky but somehow I don't because deep inside I know that the elephant thing is complete bullshit and seriously, if the guy was interested he would have made a move already.

I feel so confused. When they look nice and good guys they screw u anyways, when they look bad u already know what will happen and finally actually good guys don't have the most remote idea of how to screw u... I feel sad, the kind of sad that I haven't known in a really long time, when I used not to behave and feel the pain that pointless relationships left me with. I feel sad because now I'm older and this shouldn't hurt, it really shouldn't but it hurts me, not because of him but because I did know better.

adele.

hometown.

2010-11-02T18:30:00.005-04:00

Really deep inside we all know the answers to our most fearful questions. It is only a matter of time and maturity to allow ourselves to find them.

Cliche after cliche we keep playing the same game..

all u need to know is that the only person who will be there for the rest of your life is yourself so stop trying to make others first when the last one will be yourself.

Hot mess express

2010-09-07T00:56:00.003-04:00

I'm really tired. I feel a lot of things have happened. He slept with her. She says she has issues realizing about the consequences of her actions... and then she asks, "Am I still your friend?" of course baby... my best friend who slept with my ex-boyfriend one week after i left... He says he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and here we all are. A hot mess express. she says "im sorry" i say "im sorry too" we all sorry and no one cares who fucks whom, whose boyfriend is mine, yours, or his/her. and to think i was gonna call him, ask him for a coffee and be nice. maybe a little kiss and now, she fucked him. she liked it. she said now she's lost. now I'm lost. we all lost it. at least now they fuck together. and of course, i fuck the tree. hush! people fucking next door. ohh no. they already left... and a little note that says "now who fucked whom, huh!?" you fucked me. you fucked me up. that is the only fuck you got. ohhh. wait! nah... i already fucked him too. is this fair? is his turn of making me cry and feel inexistent and unimportant...

go fuck yourself.

and now what!?

2010-09-06T22:21:00.010-04:00

And i am mad at myself because even when I'm feeling great I usually go and fuck it up. Even knowing how hard it is for me to feel quite and calm, as soon as i see the chance of some adrenaline going up my blood, i take it and i take it till the end.

And that is how i met boys, guys, and men... yes, each of them are a different kind. I wish I had a radar so i would only meet men, but no, of course not. I have to meet the boy who just wants to be friends with benefits, the guy that is too cool to date anyone, or the men (and probably is the only kind of men I hate) that wants to put a ring on your finger on the second date. But where is my guy, the one cool enough not to be a looser, nice enough to care about me, stupid enough to like me, and awesome enough to want to date me? Does anyone know!? Well, of course not, cause the ones that might have some sort of answer are the ones that want a good fuck and goodbye.

So at the end we might ask ourselves... are we ever gonna get what we want or we just have to wait until something out of this world appears and seems to be a suitable thing to date? at this rate I might as well try to be a nun... which i would fail at in about 10 minutes.

Anyhow, I met this boy, who is a nice boy, a decent boy, a boy whom I wouldn't feel I'm settling for. The thing in this case is always me. Am I too short that I need high hills to kiss him? Then I realize it is not all about me. Hey, the boy just ended his most serious relationship ever... but right there is when I must (and cannot avoid the question) ask myself: why the hell do you always go after kids who are coming out of their first and most important relationship yet? Ask me, what kind of attraction does that bring? None! all mumbo jumbo stuff that no one needs! and then of course the question of "does he still love her?" and you cannot lie to yourself so you say "yes.... maybe a little less than before, but it's still a fricking yes."

Summing up, I can say that whenever you have to ask yourself more than two essential questions, the thing is gonna get complicated and at some point, either when he realizes he still loves her, or gets tired of you being an annoying creature, or you lose confidence that the so-called relationship you are trying to have because you care is just helping him forget her and has no real interest in you, you or him or both are gonna suffer.

So now what? do I let him go like that kiss never happened? do I forget the 5 minutes that made think "this can actually be happening"? I think I can. and I think I should. Or at least wait until he reapers to be alive. Maybe is time for me to let guys go, wait for a man, a get that effing ring. JK! i will never settle for something less than a blue prince.

forest.

2010-08-29T22:45:00.002-04:00

Finding words that express feelings is so difficult. Sometimes I get lost in the ideas that drive me into a deeper understanding of what life is, should be, and could be. Sounds help me a lot to read the signs in our daily life. Sounds make me feel and connect to an inner part of my soul that is several times unreachable. Sounds of a lost time, or electric feelings, or galactic movements, or simply air through our faces. Languages also differ, bring together a much more detailed experience of what I've lived. Even though I like words, sounds are a better channel to transmit a feeling, especially to some people.

im here again.

2010-06-23T22:10:00.008-04:00

Feel them as they go through your blood.

Make them real by living them.

Wake up because of them but also dream to make them come true...

Let them explode inside of you like a torrent full of energy giving you the strength to go farther than you ever thought it was possible.

Give them the importance that you know they have.

Let them carry you to do whatever feels will give you happiness...

Let them go if they harm you.

Let them hurt you if you will learn from the suffering.

Let them die if no good will come from letting them be.

Let them scare you if they make you feel nothing.

Let them give you shivers when you are having them for someone.

Hide them under the bed if they make you cry until you're strong enough to face them and fight them.

Discover them if you don't know them.

Shutter them if they crash you.

Explore them if they make you feel naive.

i dont know which one u like better but i'll leave the post for you to copy them :)

2010-06-23T21:12:00.001-04:00

the one.

2010-06-09T20:05:00.003-04:00

Is it so bad to want something more?

Is it so bad to expect that the one will be even more than what one can describe?

Is it so crazy to set high expectations for the one that is gonna share the rest of one's life?

Is it so crazy not to want to settle for the average and fight for the extraordinary?

Who says what is good and what is bad?

Who says that the difference between two human beings can be deterred by the fact that a third says so?

Everyone can say "I love you" but the only time it will matter is when the one that touches your heart says it. No one else will make your knees tremble, your eyes emotion with tears, and your soul jump of excitement.

Learn

2010-06-08T11:12:00.004-04:00

In a world full of ironies there are some remaining trues. There is hope in the ability of a man to love, to create, to evolve. There are people still trying to fight for the right things, to make peace, to make love, to help the world be a better place. People hold on to dreams, they work their hardest to make them true, to own the truth that will free them, to let things be the greatest they can, and to show others that no man is an iceland. Knowing what's coming for you can be a true gift or a true tragedy, there is no word to describe the sensation of a surprised soul, of a grateful heart, of an amazed human being.

i'll see u again.

2010-06-07T22:11:00.008-04:00

Flying out of control, trying to run to you and find you, get you, and stay next to you. I believe in us, I believe you can make smile every day we share together, I believe you are the one. I miss you, I miss those long walks in a powerful silence that speaks louder than the sound of screams; that silence that whispered us that our love would survive everything, even us. I treasure the memories that soon enough will be our reality again. I will give you my everything, like those old days when we used to live for each other... Fly me to you; fly me to your arms, where I feel safe and reassuring; fly me to see you, and to see us together. Let's imagine what we'll do, where we'll go, how long our kisses will last. Let's see each other as we've changed, let's accept we both have grown up and gone different ways that have still made us come to find each other in the same place at heart. Let's let our hands tell to each other how badly they have missed being together and all those feelings distance made go numb. Let's find each other again.

end.

2010-06-05T03:15:00.002-04:00

so at the end of the road we ask ourselves, is it worth it all the work that we put into being human beings, or it would be easier to give in and let life make us whatever we were supposed to be...?

Quotes.

2010-04-09T00:01:00.003-04:00

"I must not subdue to anything less than to what I expect under my own terms in which I must own up to."

"O Fortune, like the moon of ever changing state, you are always waxing or waning; hateful life now is brutal, now pampers our feelings with its game; poverty, power, it melts them like ice."

the best thing ever is to feel loved, to be loved; to have friends, to be a friend; to feel alive, to be alive; to grow up, to have grown up.

"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh Crap, She's up!" God Bless M. Gama.

Forgive as soon as possible. Love without boundaries. Laugh without control and never stop smiling.

En la locura de una ciudad llena de gente que me rodea las 24 horas del dia cada vez me siento mas sola.

"Do not let your fears get in your way"

Love is an illusion, lust is real.

Good, fine, ok... cute. no, it is not fine, it is not ok, it is not good. it is fucking hot.

simplest.

2010-04-05T00:23:00.002-04:00

I've been trying to not write about you, cause that would mean that i actually have things to write about you and that our affair is not only random nights in your bed... it means that i can't wait for the moment i see you again and touch the back of your ears. i wish i could stop thinking of when i'm gonna see you whenever we are apart, i wish i could tell myself this is another fantasy that is about to end but whenever i see u again i cant tell you goodbye.

Live

2010-02-05T01:08:00.005-05:00

Believe me, my heart is right next to yours... whenever, wherever, however, no matter what.

My love is an undying force that lives in you as long as you let it be a candle inside your heart. I will perish thoughts of distance because the only distance that would matter is the one we let set us apart, and that kind of distance doesn't exist between us.

it matters- blue light.

2010-02-04T20:18:00.004-05:00

at the end of the road, it doesn't matter what way your are going, as long as you keep motivating yourself to go on.

It doesn't matter how hard it looks to grow love between two people, it matters that there is a seed.

It doesn't matter how hard you are trying, it matters that you are trying harder than ever.

It matters that you love trying your hardest.

She is there

2010-02-04T20:14:00.003-05:00

dear love.... i wish i could whisper some thoughts.... the ones that say how much i need you, the ones that say how much i love you, the ones that say how much i feel our absence of presence.

I wish there was this door at my closet that would take me to your door and let me hug you, I wish this door would exist in reality because it already exists in my heart, where I treasure all our memories and where I keep your sweet smiles every time I feel them...

Mas cartas para ella.

2009-11-16T01:07:00.003-05:00

I guess no one has the right to tell you what to do, but here I am, trying to help you out this discomfort zone you seem to be living in. It is hard as it is to try to hold on into something you don’t even know. There might be people out here trying to help you but you are so busy trying to see all the ugly stuff that is around you that you are seriously missing life.
The fact that you are not feeling well is something you only know how it feels like and the fact that you are the only one who knows makes you responsible to get yourself out of that situation. That doesn’t mean you cannot get help, there are tons of people close to you that would probably love to help you and seek for you well-being. There is only one thing you need to do, and that is to ask for their help.
Trying to swim alone sometimes is not the best idea and blaming you without taking serious responsibility into changing the circumstances you have around wont help at all. Life is danm too short to be worrying all the time whether you are doing the right thing or the wrong one. The important thing is that when you realize you messed up, go and fix it, and this is only for your own good sake.
The entire world and all the people in it have problems and sometimes not the problems anyone can resolve. More than once, these problems are really bad and they are really alone. But this is not your case. Your problems are the same ones I was facing a couple of years ago, and I know that you do have people around you who love you and want to help but don't know how to do that cause you are not letting them in. And by in, I mean that you are saying stuff in this BS (bullshit) facebook and putting statuses, but probably (and I'm a 95% sure) not talking and by this I mean reaching out to them and saying "this is my problem, help me." By the way, saying all the stuff is not the same as talking. (Decir no es lo mismo que hablar)

There are so many things you can do to start helping yourself but I know how hard it is to see this. When someone feels that they don’t want to feel anymore it is probably because they think they can't feel anymore, and this is not true at all!!! You are completely able to feel and that is what makes you being someone rather than anyone. I can't express enough how many times I made the same mistake of trying to run away from my own feelings and ended up asking myself what the hell is this life that I'm living and why do I think (it wasn't think, it was feel) it is not worth it, if there are so many things I want to do but I don’t see myself getting out of this bed tomorrow morning? The answer is not the most important thing, but the how will I get from "not wanting to be" to "be anything I want to be". And it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to answer this or that question, it is that you start, at least, a little everyday, to embrace yourself and accept that we all humans have shortcomings, and make mistakes but it is when you realize about them that you have to (and this is the responsibility that you have towards your own life) stop yourself from that path and change it. Don’t harm yourself trying to criticize everything you do, do everything in your power to do the best you can to love the person who you are, to let yourself be whoever is that you want to be. I don’t mean physically, but inside, cause once you do that, it will be much easier to work with the outside of yourself.
I seriously care about you cause I see me in you. I see my old self in you and even though we are in different parts of the world, feelings are always feelings, and if there is something I've learned in these 22 years of life is that the moment you give up on yourself there is nothing that will make you happy. Rather than fighting yourself and destroy your confidence and your tools to grow up, embrace them, embrace all that makes you stronger and not shallow. The minute we stop fighting for each other, we stop being humans.

Some great thoughts from a Psychology text...

2009-11-05T21:24:00.007-05:00

Refering to a Humanistic chapter...

"The good life is a process, not a state of being.
It is a direction, not a destination"

"According to humanistic psychology, there is more to life than simply having all of your immediate needs met. Humanistic theorists maintain that people are not content when their immediate needs are met. Rather, they are motivated to continue their development in a positive manner. If left alone, unencumbered by life's difficulties, we eventually progress toward some ultimately satisfying state of being."

"On one studies it was discovered that people write about personal failures and humiliations, illegal activities, drug and alcohol problems, and experiences with sexual abuse. They often express guilt over regrettable actions or great sadness about a personal loss (...) Because it is customary not to burden others with our problems and because it might be too embarrassing to discuss them, most of us have not talked to many people, perhaps not to anyone, about our most traumatic experiences. But not talking about these experiences does not mean we are unaffected by them."

And yet there are more

2009-10-17T00:03:00.004-04:00

if the reality that surrounds you
it's not the one you like,
start building a new one.

what to do when you know there is something better out there
and you are still holding to the safest choice?

Corazon, vuelve a mirarme a los ojos
que cuando tu estas,
mis miedos se escurren
entre la dulce caricia
de tus manos.

LOVe.

Blind.

2009-10-12T01:21:00.009-04:00

Y te ame de principio a fin
en la eterna oscuridad
de nuestros pecados,
donde dos seres
se revolcaron,
llenando de pasion
un simple cuarto
de hotel...

Hoy amo el olvido,
el que todavia anelo...

Quitarte de mi destino,
asi jamas hayas sido
parte alguna del mismo...

I wish to forget you.

2009-09-16T23:07:00.007-04:00

At the end of a night, I just wonder, I just can't speak of words that my life hasn't got yet to know.

I just wonder about love, about you and me, about the things we never did.

I'm sorry for being sorry for feeling me.

I miss you because you made me realize I can get something so much more special than what I've had.

I miss you because I haven't yet got to know something better than you but knowing he exists just makes me smile.

Make each day count

2009-08-29T02:00:00.002-04:00

Make each day count, not because it might be the last one but because your are amazingly greatful of being part of this world.

Make each day count not for the lost time but the time that is yet to come.

Make each day count not for him or her, but both of you.

Make of everything a different thing because anything can turn into a great change of yourself.

Make each story a new one, so you can remember them as a great expirience from where you can learn not only about yourself but ourselves.

Make each love the best love, because its not only a love, its yours.

Make from each person that u know the best relationship you can have with them because its worth it.

Listen to the sounds of the music that has given sense to each day, listen carefully cause sometimes it can bring you right back to those moments.

Dont give up, not only on other people, but on yourself, you are so worth every time you try.

Dont look at me, look at us. Look how we are nothing now. Look what I was.

Give me peace of mind, give me something i can hold on to. Give me nothing but a song that says who we were.

Into the Deep

2009-08-28T01:25:00.004-04:00

I will remember those days
when having feelings was a crime,
i will remember because
I can feel right now.

I will try to let go

of the fear of realiazing

what the truth was, is, and will always be.

A nice dream that didnt go far, didnt go anywhere

except a bed of different colors,

different fragances, different tones...

I will remember

that I could have let go.

I will remember those great songs

which can take me to the moment

I felt this nice dream was real

and forgot to leave the lights on

in case that I would fall into a deeper dream.

I remember that first ride,
I remember that question,
I remember those curious
eyes looking at me,
trying to understand
if I was for real.

I will, indeed, remember that I felt you were

making me touch the sky with your words,

with your mystery, with your everything.

I will remember

I forgot who I was

just so being with you

wouldn't be so wrong.

I will remember how much I'm missing you,

even though you might

not even remember who I am.

Good night Benjamin

2009-06-26T00:24:00.004-04:00

So that's when you realize that its done, thats not a dream, that it was real but not longer now. Thats when you say nothing lasts, not even the most sweetest dreams. Somedays you are ok because you know that for that little time you were part of something special; maybe it wasn't special in the sense we all love, but special because we loved it just as it was. Today is when I say: "so that's when I woke up knowing I wasn't part of that special thing anymore."

Maybe some other day, maybe the day will come and I will be the one saying, "maybe another day," cause all I want is what I dont need, its what I fear will be a dream and dreams dont last, nothing lasts, we are not forever creatures. He is gone and even though I will miss the feeling of waiting for him, I know now, we weren't meant to be, not even what we were, but just one night lost in a cute winter that saw us being. Perhaps thats the reason we found each other but didn't know we weren't supposed to be what we were, more than one night, more than a lost night... And of course, the ifs will keep triggering my imagination, trying to find out why we weren't just a lost night of a cold saturday february night.

Phrases.

2009-06-15T12:44:00.006-04:00

sera que el jardin de atras

es un cementerio de ilusiones

y yo soy la ilusa

que ha corrido en direccion contraria?

bring me a new piece of self,

i just got kicked out of my old one.

Duele tanto desear.

did u raise the bar or just crush it on my head?

You can be mad as a dog at the way things went...

You can swear, curse the fates, regret everything you ever did...

but when it comes to the end... you have to let go...

Life is so short,

i sure wish we could

have a longer winter...

at the end nothing lasts forever. not even wanting it that much.

"waiting for an absolution that would never come."

Two is half of one

2009-05-31T23:23:00.003-04:00

Tengo que escribir demasiado, tengo cosas q decir pero en este momento es mas facil recitar las palabras de otros autores porque el cansancio es mal consejero de mis ideas.

Estas palabras, dulces y amargas, son de un libro que lei hace ya bastante tiempo... sin mas preludios, he aqui la copia que alguna vez me fue de importancia para determinar quien es mas importantes, el amor o yo.

"El arte de amar sin apegos resulta de una extraña mezcla de capacidades difíciles de alcanzar. No solamente por la complejidad que implica la experiencia afectiva, sino por la resistencia que nuestra ha desarrollado al respecto.
La mayoría de los requisitos que se necesitan para amar in adicciones no suelen ser bien vistos por los valores tradicionales. Para muchos, la libertad afectiva es una forma de libertinaje que necesita mantenerse controlado. Como si la ausencia de dependencia fuera en si misma peligrosa. Un amor independiente siempre incomoda. Un amor sin apegos es irreverente, fantástico, insólito, locuaz, trascendente, atrevido y envidiable.
Amar sin apegos es amar sin miedos. Es asumir el derecho a explorar intensamente el mundo, a hacerse cargo de uno mismo y a buscar un sentido de vida. Tambien significa tener una actitud realista frente al amor, afianzar el autorrespeto y fortalecer el autocontrol. Es disfrutar de la dupla placer/ seguridad, sin volverla imprescindible. Es hacer las paces con dios y la incertidumbre. Es tirar la certeza a la basura y dejar que el universo se haga cargo de uno. Es aprender a renunciar.
El amor esta hecho a la medida del que ama. Construimos la experiencia con lo que tenemos en nuestro interior, por eso nunca hay dos relaciones iguales. El amor es lo que somos. Si eras irresponsable, tu relación afectiva será irresponsable. Si eres deshonesto, te unirá a otra persona con mentiras. Si eres inseguro, tu vínculo afectivo será ansioso. Pero si eres libre y mentalmente sano, tu vida afectiva será plena, saludable y trascendente.
Amar sin apegos no implica insensibilizar el amor. La pasión, la fuerza y el impacto emocional del enamoramiento nunca se merman. El desapego no amortigua el sentimiento por e contrario lo exalta, lo libera de sus lastres, lo suelta, lo amplifica y lo deja fluir sin restricciones.
Empieza hoy. Acepta el riesgo de abrazar a tu pareja sin angustias. Si tienes claridad sobre lo que verdaderamente eres y hasta donde puedes llega, no habrá temores irracionales. Solamente los roces normales y algunos desacoples. La convivencia no es panacea, pero tampoco es infelicidad total. El amor interpersonal es en el cual diseñamos a cada instante nuestro ecosistema afectivo, nuestro lugar en el mundo. Es la operación por la cual nos adaptamos al otro, sin dejar de ser uno. Podemos encajar sin violentarnos, sujetarnos despacio y tiernamente, como quien no quiere lastimar ni lastimarse. Y esa unión maravillosa de dos seres que parecen uno, solo es posible hacerla con pasión y sin apegos."

here.

2009-04-08T20:00:00.004-04:00

Now the damage is done... trying to survive.

I try to forget.
I try to stop.
I try to start.

Now I'm still waiting for an absolution that will not come. I wait because the time is known to heal and to forgive.

I'm sorry I hurt you so much, I'm sorry because you its me and now I'm utterly alone in this cloudy sky that doesnt show me any stars.

I'm here, I'm done.

Luli

2009-03-07T12:36:00.001-05:00

Es raro como todo da vueltas y vueltas, y a veces volvemos al principio... y lo unico que queda por hacer es comenzar de nuevo... No hay una sola formula que nos indique como llevar a cabo cada una de nuestras metas... Hay diferente caminos y lamentablemente aunque simulen ser parecidos, un solo paso puede hacernos cambiar de ruta... Hay veces que una pelicula puede moverte lo suficiente para entenderlo, a veces un sonido, cada tanto una persona que aparece en tu vida... Pero lo unico que queda por hacer es hacer algo al respecto y darnos la oportunidad de sin importar cuan feo el paisaje se vea, pintarlo de colores y llenarlo de sonrisas.

Home again

2009-03-07T12:14:00.002-05:00

memory

2009-03-07T01:55:00.010-05:00

He guardado cada uno de tus halagos en algun rincon de mi corazon... se hace ilusiones de un futuro incierto, me pide que te aleje de mi antes que sea demasiado tarde y caiga en las redes del amor... Estoy muy lejos, digo yo, de verte y no sostener mis rodillas, pero que es lo que yo se a cerca del amor? Se tan poco como vos sabes lo que corre dentro mio cada vez que tus ojos me recorren con esa desconcertante mirada.

Trato de convercele

y decirle que no hay que temer,

Tan solo vivir.

Mas quien soy yo

Para decirle que deje de sentir,

Si sentir es lo que nos hace real,

Si sentir es lo que nos hace vivir...?

Quien soy yo

Para separarme en dos extremos,

En mente y corazon?

Quien soy yo para saber

Quien esta escribiendo estas palabras?

Quien soy yo

Si no la que extrana el ultimo beso

Que rozo mi cara horas atras?

Dime loco corazon,

Es una sola persona hablando,

o somos dos?

Me gustaria verte como lo que sos, un invierno bonito, un tierno affair, un simple desquite con la soledad que rodea a los inquietos de la ciudad de las luces. Me gustaria sentirte como un companero de pecados, un amigo discreto, uno mas en mi lista.. Si tan solo pudiera acariciarte sin que mis manos tiemblen, sin que mis ojos te miren como si fueras el unico hombre existente. Pero te veo, veo a la persona detras del delito, veo esos ojitos de color clarito, veo como me miran y siento como se derriten cada una de mis paredes... Y al segundo lo comprendo, pero que tanto ha de comprender la soledad, la impotencia, la rebeldia de querer tenerte... en cualquier forma o sentido. Quien les hace comprender que no tenes que estar ahi y que si esta historia te aburre, podes irte a otra sin compromisos ni lazos que te aten?

Yo sere la que les diga a todos mis sentidos que siempre fuimos libres de elejir, de quedarnos o irnos, de vivir o sentir, de desear o querer. Sere yo la que llene el vacio explicando como desde el principio sabiamos el final. Sere yo quien te vea irte o elija correr antes que te vayas. Y ahi quedara el recuerdo de un invierno bonito, sin culpas, rencores, ni ese amargo gusto en la garganta que sentimos luego de perdernos en la inmensidad de cuerpos desconocidos y almas por conocer.

Sera que hoy mismo le hare entender al resto de mi ser que somos lo que somos, sin nombres, reglas, ni sogas que nos ahorquen en palabrerios, tan solo somos, existimos, y compartimos este presente en el que un invierno bonito nos vio ser.

el yin no se mescla con el yang

2009-03-06T23:29:00.003-05:00

Amiga, te extrano. Extrano las dulces palabras que me decias cuando el mundo caia sobre mi. Hoy he de contarte que he conocido a alguien, es tan solo un alguien que pronto pasara a ser alguno y luego nadie. Te cuento que mis noches son mas cortas pensando en el... pero que el deseo de verlo las hace mas largas.

Amiga mia, tengo que decirtelo, es que creo que he visto su corazon y es un jardin con flores, una fuente de agua, y un cielo celeste que por la noche se viste de estrellas y escucha melodias con sabor a miel. Tambien quiero decirte que no todo se volvera recuerdo... los dias que hemos compartido sin hablar ni vernos han sido los que me han hecho pensar mas y sentir menos, pero como siempre este traicionero deseo, cada vez que lo veo, se hace mas adicto y me induce a perderme en el, como una pequena pieza en este enorme rompecabezas.

Si pudiera explicarte, amiga mia, que se mis culpas y reclamos, se que mi corazon demandara a toda esta locura que estoy llevando a cabo... Se que me sentire mas vieja cuando todo esto termine... El frio amargo de la noche me abraza, me vuelvo a perder entre las ramas de los arboles que rodean el parque frente a mi ventana... y de pronto, entre las hojas que caen, mecidas por el viento, esta el, en cada uno de mis pensamientos...

Quiciera decirte que lo que siento es puro, pero como puede ser puro si su origen, su existencia, y su fin son la vaneidad del deseo que sus ojos despertaron en mi una noche cualquiera, perdidos en el dulce abrazo de las luces de la luna.

Vos que me entendes y queres... Que decirte cuando todo esta dicho antes de decir una palabra. Quizas que la confusion que en este instante cada uno de mis sentidos esta viviendo sea tambien origen del deseo, de la codicia, o quizas, tan solo quizas, de la suerte de haberlo visto entre la gente y sentir placer de tener su presencia al lado mio.

Estas son tan solo palabras, pero amiga, vos sos la que conoce mi corazon y sabes que todo este palabrerio significa muy poco para mi alocada forma de ser... estoy perdida, entre el sabor del placer y el agrio sabor de la soledad. Es que me doy cuenta, lamentablemente, que tantas palabras tan solo justifican lo sola que me siento y que sin importar su presencia en mi cama, mi vida sigue igual de vacia.

Gracias amiga, por estar ahi, leer este palabrerio y darme el mas presiado regalo que pudiera pedirte, tu simple amistad.

Baroses

2008-10-05T22:22:00.004-04:00

i woke up in world where smiles were gone. I though I could make you smile but instead I cried my heart out. Now I feel sedated, in a deep comma which Im trying to wake up from. My life is running away from me and I try to keep up but is too hard to let go of the things once I thought were paramount. Im just trying to let go.

maps

2008-08-19T00:12:00.004-04:00

I love you.

I miss you.

I need you.

I want you.

You are my special someone.

I love to be your princess.

I'm lost inside this big love.

I should draw a map

So you can rescue me from this mess,

And get lost together...

I love you, forever, even if we get lost

and never see each other again.

my heart will find some way

to come find this love.

To my love.

To you.

river of memories

2008-08-18T15:11:00.004-04:00

The light is shining... Your face is on my mind. You are in my head. I look into the sky and see your smile. I remember back days... Falling stars into my mind, those which conquers love and war without a word. There is something there, in the middle of the sky, telling me to jump. Just jump into river, that river that takes memories away and makes them clear so I can see them, and think about us. I see the fire that melt us apart, I see you trying to survive me.

The sky starts to get colder, like the sunshine is gone forever, my memories are brought back and I can see me trying to survive you, but I can't... the lights are starting to go off and we are still trying to make it, but we don't know where to head. Your smile is gone and the lake is so cold, my memories are freezing... You are gone and I'm lost. You are in the other side of this river. I can't see the sun come and shine.

There is only one hope for us and it's finally on my hands to cross those memories, to get to the other side and to say, "I love you." Because I do. I love you and all I have is that river of memories telling me to run to you. I just need to cross it so I will be with you. I will say I can see the sun shining on us.

This one is for you, and i hope you love it.

2008-08-18T00:59:00.005-04:00

From time to time, we meet people who make a difference in our lives. From time to time we figure out that these people mean something more than the everyday people. From time to time, we do things to keep that people near us. One day in my life I realized I had that special being that brighten all my doubts, listened my complains, lighten my life.

There is something inside my heart that tells me you are one of a kind. You are that kind of being who makes happiness happen to the saddest person in the world... Sometimes that sad person was and it's me. I know you dont know, but you are the one who's always given me the confidence i can do better. Your words have made the difference in my life desisions. It's that light you carry inside your soul which has done so many miracles in so many lives, one of those, mine, has to say thank you, because without you i would be anywhere else, feeling a deep emptiness, i would feel afraid of life, I wouldnt try to go as far as you make me go.

It wouldnt be fair to post this blog without saying that your comments about my blog make me so happy, sometimes i just write to the pleasure to be read by you. And that's for real. I just gotta say I love you, you know it, and you know there aren't enough words to say when all we have is a marvelous friendship.

I know you are still waiting for that love which will make you socks blow out from your feet, and it will come, better and you will know it is the perfect one because it isnt. Those loves aren't news. They will arrive at your door and take you, your knees will flake, your heart will want to pump out of your chest and you will remember these words. You will have love, dont look after it, it will run away... just know that it coming because you were made to be loved. As I love you as my best friend, someone will know you are his true love and that is the one who's worth all the time you've been waiting.

I take you everywhere in my heart, everytime im in the city, there is barbie too; when i go to the bus stop, there is barbie too; when i have a coffee in the real sturbucks, there's barbie too; when i cry out loud singing a song, there is barbie's voice too. You are part of what makes my heart pump. You make my day by just saying hi, you are one of the brightest stars shining in my sky.

Your forever friend. Patotie.

no puedo.

2008-08-16T00:57:00.004-04:00

me hiciste odiarme, querer matarte, querer matar el amor que siento por vos. Quiciera gritarte a los cuatro vientos que lo siento... siento no ser suficiente, no ser lo que esperabas, ser menos buena persona de lo que parezco. Lamento ser el desastre que mi alma alcanza a ser. Te odio, odio verte mal, odio verte odiandome. Odio ser quien te causa dolor, y te amo, y no lo puedo controlar. Quiciera ser ese frio tempano, el que dicen que parezco ser. Pero no puedo, tu amor me hecho ser esto, lo que ves, como la primera vez que me hablaste y te dije, estar con alguien esperando que sea otro es tan iluso como decir que vos cambiarias por mi. TE AMO. y me odio por hacerlo, porque me hace debil. me hace ceder. me hace llorar. me hace sufrir. Y sin embargo no puedo decirte no. no puedo alejarme de vos. NO puedo. Extrano estar bien con vos. Que estemos bien.

MARY

2008-08-16T00:53:00.001-04:00

Mary...è andata via l'hanno vista piangere correva nel buio di una ferrovia notti di sirene in quella periferia si dice che di tutti noi ha un po' nostalgia ma lei se ne è andata Mary....Si sente sola Mary ora ha paura Mary l'ho vista piangere poi chiedere una risposta al cielo Mary e ora il suo sguardo non mente ha gli occhi di chi nasconde alla gente gli abusi osceni del padre ma non vuol parlarne Mary e cela i suoi dolori in un foglio del diario che ora ha tra le manie guardando vecchie foto chiede aiuto ad una preghiera sui polsi i segni di quegli anni chiusi in una galera la madre che sa tutto e resta zitta ora il suo volto porta i segni di una nuova sconfitta e l'ho vista girar per la città senza una meta dentro lo zaino i ricordi che le han sporcato la vita tradita da chi l'ha messa al Mondo e in secondo il suo corpo i segni di un padre che per Mary adesso è morto è stanca Mary non ha più lacrime ed ora chiede al destino un sorriso chiuso in un sogno la sera ma....dicono che Mary se n'è andata via l'hanno vista piangere correva nel buio di una ferrovia sanno che scappava notti di sirene in quella periferia non bastava correre si dice che di noi tutti abbia un po' nostalgia ma lei se n'è andata MARY CHE CAMMINA SU SENTIERI PIù SCURI STAI CERCANDO SORRISI SINCERI OLTRE I MURI DI QUESTA CITTà OH MARY CAMMINANDO SU SENTIERI PIù SCURI SUL DIARIO SEGRETO SCRIVEVI "quella bestia non è mio papà" ora ripenso a quando mi parlavi in lacrime dicevi questa vita non la cambio ma ci sto provando sto pregando ma sembra inutile e abbracciandomi dicesti tornerò....hey guarda c'è Mary è tornata in stazione sai stringe la mano a due persone il suo bel viso ha cambiato espressione senza più gocce di dolore ora la bacia il sole bacia il suo uomo e la bimba nata dal suo vero amore con quel suo sorriso che da senso a tutto il resto protetto da un mondo sposrco che ha scoperto troppo presto ha un'anima ferita un'innocenza rubata sa che è la vita non una fiaba ma ora Mary è tornata una fata era altrove e suo padre ora ha smesso di vivere Mary fissa la sua lapide versare lacrime è impossibile Si chiedono ma è Mery quella in fondo alla via??è riuscita a crescere tornata con il giorno in quella ferrovia fresca di rugiada parla di sè Mary senza nostalgia stanza ormai di piangere lei sa quanto dura questa vita sia ma lei l'ha cambiata Mary camminando su sentieri più scuri hai trovato sorrisi sinceri oltre i muri di questa città oh Mary camminavi su sentieri più scuri sul diario segreto scrivevi quella besta non è mio papà...

no

2008-08-16T00:32:00.003-04:00

Que lo que era amor hoy me esta matando.

no entendes,
mi fortaleza sos vos
y hoy la mataste,
de la peor
forma posible...

Le dijiste a mi corazon que te deje de amar.
No lo entiendo, no logro comprender tu ciencia.
Hoy una porcion de mio quore ha morto, non e piu.
Today you killed me, in the crulest way you could choose.

Im done crying for a longone love under the silk of our bed.

I wish today never happened, but it did, and im lost inside this day which torn me apart from my heart and killed it. I hate you, but mostly because I love you, you are my everything.
You, from all the others made me feel i was something, today i realized i am something, but that isnt quite enough, is it?

i miss you

2008-08-07T17:23:00.003-04:00

extranio sentirme amiga tuya,
extranio que me necesites,
extranio recordar el presente.

te quiero ver bien,
te quiero ver feliz,
te quiero ver triufar.

quisiera ser un poquito mas importante en tu vida,
quisiera que te acordaras de tus promesas,
quisiera que mi ausencia te doliera.

te deseo sabiduria,
te deseo madurez,
te deseo tranquilidad.

te recuerdo en mi corazon,
te recuerdo en mi memoria,
te recuerdo en mi vida.

ojala pudiera decir que nada ha cambiado,
ojala pudiera decir que todo sigue igual,
ojala pudiera decir que has sabido cuidar mi amistad.

wasted (to be edited)

2008-08-04T22:56:00.002-04:00

Many days I question myself if there is any way to get deeper in your heart, sometimes I criticize the way you say things to me, and definitely sometimes I would tell you to shut up but you wouldn't care about that and would talking. Many times I agree doing stuff I don’t like just to see that smile in your face but most of the time is you doing that. Giving up to wishes is better than giving up to dreams.

How many dreams do we share together? How far would we be able to run the mile together? One more time, I don’t know how we could change our destiny so we would be at ease. Somehow, I’ve been figuring thing out and it’s a matter of my attention that the times you and I less have thought about problems, have been the best ones.

I miss you, I miss being perfect for each other and finding ways without thinking. I miss the day I didn’t know anything about you and all I had to do was to believe what you said you were, because there wasn’t anything else to believe, to see, or even worse to discover.

I miss it because I had an excuse, now I should know better, I should be confident and trusty, but I'm not, I don’t know how to handle things the way one is supposed to do it after this length of time. Right now I feel trapped, trapped between you, me, and the option to call it quits. I love you too much to say goodbye, I love me too much to let this going in the same direction as now, and I'm too afraid to be alone trying to figure a magic way out of this intricate conflict.

But now I see the problem, the problem is that I haven’t thought about us. I’ve only been thinking about you and me, the way to get things done, and the way to express my desires and get even at the moments you have won. I lost that feeling, that motivating sensation that made me burn inside and want to be one, to show my love to you. I waited and distance, silence, patience would make their way and finally give me and you what we wanted, but in the meantime we forgot about us. We lost contact with who we were together. I felt the dark inside my heart and I only did what I knew to do, drift apart. Run away. Escape.

Now I miss you, I wonder around. I get lost in my worlds, they collide. I miss you, and that’s the only thing I really know.

To my best friend

2008-07-31T13:25:00.003-04:00

Right when you need it, im there, right on time, right on place.

Right when everyone else is out of space and no one is enough to complete your universe, i will be there just so you know that no matter what, there is one left.

I love the way you look into my eyes and save me from the dark, you inspire me to do greater things than what i think im able to do. I love that you have rescued me so many times. I love the fact that you hate every man who has broken my heart and that you appreciate the ones who take care of it. I love that you think im better than he was. I love that you made so many jokes about him and that you told me the truth from the first time. I love that you love me as your best friend and that you have forgiven me when i betrayed your friendship. I love the chance we had to make this friendship the best one.

Done

2008-07-29T22:04:00.006-04:00

Invadida, perdida en recuerdos confusos, intimidada. Perceguida, acechada. Te recuerdo demasiado bien como para olvidarte. Te detesto demasiado como para permitirme olvidarte. Te detesto por hacerme desconfiar de mi. Odio entender la naturaleza de algo tan despiadado como es la privacion de derechos sobre el cuerpo de uno mismo. Odio comprender que tengo las armas para destruirte y sin embargo las cuestiones de status y conveniencia familiar no me lo permiten. Sera que todo lo que entiendo es simplemente una vaga idea para sentir algun poder sobre la situacion? Sera que intento explicarme los motivos por los cuales me sucediste y me invadiste de la forma mas perversa, sin preambulos, sin introducciones, sin una opcion a detenerte, a frenarte, a intentar matarte antes que nazcas?

Impossible.

2008-07-25T23:20:00.002-04:00

Sometimes Love has to achive too many things to become real, sometimes it is forgotten in the way to achive it, and sometimes love forgets we are trying to make it real.

call me

2008-07-25T22:20:00.003-04:00

Call me when you have some time, so we can actually talk. Call me when your heart tells you to do it, don't do it to please me. Please, don't do it, I can hear the tone in your voice, it says you want to be doing something else. It digs in, depper inside the empty words your mouth is trying to say beliving in themselves.
Tell me something I don't know. Please my ear, tell him I'm the reason yo wake up every day and without me is hard to survive. Ohh my love, if you could see, my tears are not going down the hill of my chicks but the are scriming inside, waiting you to call because you are the best thing to cry for. No matter what, don't say it until your heart tells you to do it.
Life is suposed to be so many things, at the end what matters is what you do with the time that's given to you and how you choose to use it. This time I didn't know what to do and I guess the reason of your descomfort is my inability to do things better.
Call me, please, when you want to call me, don't let this chance go. I miss the days you said what you felt so confident you made my body tremble. You made my skin feel a cold air for your words were full of love and caring.
I just hope you call me and you say nothing but I love you, so I can say I love you too.

Listening coldplay

2008-07-25T21:23:00.002-04:00

What is wrong with going after happiness? What is wrong trying to be happy? Life is full of bizarre moments, but keeping your eyes closed to them is not going to make them not happen. I feel I'm wrong everytime I laugh about silly things but I'm happy moments later I realize those moments keep me alive. Waiting for something extraordinary to happen, to bring light to my life, to aleve the hard moments I got used to live. Somehow I see the importance residing in living the little stuff, cause every other moment will stuck with me, not because I want it to, but because I can't avoid it.

Change

2008-05-09T22:23:00.006-04:00

I wrote a lot of words today, but none meant anything. I said a lot of things today, but none meant anything. I asked a lot of questions today, but none carried any meaning. I used to think Life was a miracle, I used to think my life was full of joy and happiness, I used to think I would be someone by now. All the things I wanted looked so close to me and the fact that I had time in front of me, made me feel safe doing nothing.

Today is the day I'm supposed to have achived all those dreams I had long time ago. But here I am, carring none of those dreams in my backbag, in my journey of life.

Some days, I cried to myself, thinking how I wasted all this time. I try to think and find a way to correct all my life at once and it too much but some how I know I have to do it.

Today I'm starting all over again, thinking not to sleep for time does not and right now I lack from time to do nothing at all. I hate to see that I had the chance to do things the right way and now I have to hurry up to be not left out.

If someone has come to the same realization don't be afraid. You know someone has started and is willing to go as far as life can take her. I'm able to see that now.

Awareness

2008-04-14T18:57:00.000-04:00

Freaking out?

2008-04-13T23:03:00.002-04:00

Love the air you breath
Love your eyes looking at me
Love sleeping next to you
Love you.

Hate msn with you
Hate your jokes
Hate our fights
Hate me not being with you.

If I only could describe the feeling I have whenever you are near me. If I only could be with you all the time. If I could let go all my fears... If I could be that one you keep thinking I am. If I could give you half of everything you have given me.. It would be perfect but it would make it something is not and what we have is perfect in its own way so why I cant keep going the way I am and if we have to change we figure it out when it comes to us. Becuase I love you and the feeling I cant describe. Because having this fears make me go slower but safer. Because I always freak out and you love to save me. Because i feel you feel the same and I wanna trust my love and yours is that i wanna hold on to it.

I love you.

letter

2008-03-18T01:17:00.004-04:00

No puedo creer como momentos tan lindos como ayer pueden desaparecer de mi mente por momentos como los de hoy। Lamento haberte distraido de tu trabajo, lamento no ser lo que esperas, lamento ser infantil y querer mostrarle que estoy feliz con vos, que el no le llega ni a los talones de lo que tengo ahora, que sos real। Lamento ser asi y que te moleste en vez de difrustarlo। Lo lamento porque esto es lo que te entrego, este ser asi como esta, sin devoluciones। Y momentos como este me hace pensar que lo unico que queres es encontrar la forma de lastimarme para decir, estamos a mano, o alguna cosa asi.

Lamento no ser tan buena persona como vos। Lamento todas mis boludeces, PERO NO LAMENTO SER YO. Lamento que no me quieras asi y te enojes conmigo pero puta madre por primera vez voy a seguir diciendo NO LAMENTO SER YO. Y si es q estas dispuesto una vez mas, aca estoy, tuya. Pero no voy a volver dejarme lastimar asi. Sintiendome una basura por algo que para mi estaba bien. Se que es re de guerrillera mandarte esto pero lo tengo adentro i sino va a ser peor. Lamento odiarte tanto en este instante porque te amo, y odiarte me lastima pero no puedo amarte en este instante pretendiendo que estoy bien y feliz con lo que paso. Algo tan sencillo y estupido tiene que siempre ser causa de los desvelos en la cama esperando poder terminar de llorar antes de irme a dormir o quedarme dormida sobre mi propio llanto (ni siquiera de cocodrilo).

Porque tengo que estar llorando cuando podria estar recordando el hermoso dia que compartimos ayer? Porque tengo que estar buscando una tarjeta en internet para fer si la podria estar haciendo yo? Porque tengo que sentirme vacia otra vez? Porque no pudiste aceptar mis disculpas al principio en vez de maltratarnos tanto? Porque es que con vos no importa ganar o perder? Yo se la respuesta i es tan simple que me da bronca no poder entenderla. Es que te amo. Es que LO QUE VOS HACES TIENE UN HUGE IMPACT ON ME. No podes prenteder tratarme de una forma y que yo no reaccione, asi como no podes hacerme una caricia sin que sonria, no podes darme una patada sin que me duela.

Y te amo, la puta madre, porque te amo? seria tan facil si no te quiciera. no me doleria, no estaria llorando, tendria energia para escribirle una senora carta a fer y posiblemente estaria estudiando. Pero te amo. Y todo lo que hagas tiene un efecto, ELEJI BIEN QUE EFECTO QUERES VER EN MI. Que este llorando o que simplemente este quisquilluda porque no te gusto lo que hice. Son dos cosas muy diferentes, una jode (la bronca se pasa rapido...), la otra duele (DUELE).

Perdon que hoy te dije que no queria que vinieras pero es la verdad. Seria peor. te mandaria a la mierda, me pondria a llorar (mas) y haria mas drama del que ya estoy haciendo, SI, me conozco, prefiero escribirte esto antes que un dia aparesca con un hacha y te corte el pescuezo.

But if you want, you can come in your heart and huge me, if that is enough for you. I love you.

Found

2008-03-16T00:36:00.002-04:00

Solo quiero desaparecer, quiero dejar de sentirme tan afuera de este mundo que parece seguir adelante sin importar si estoy aqui o si la idea de mi no existe. Quiero dejar de sentirme aire respirado. Quiero sentirme aire nuevo, aire puro, aire que entra en los pulmones, aire que limpia. Quiciera sentirme un ente completo, no un proyecto en construccion. Quiciera que me vieran, que me percivieran, que me descubrieran. Quiciera ser, no quiero ser mas un intento de algo fallido.

Quiero que me veas, quiero que me toques y que tus dedos recorran mi ser, que no sea una ilusion de tu mente que yo existo. Quiciera tenerme amor, quiciera importarle a alguien, especialmente a mi misma. Quiciera dejar de odiarme por haberme equivocado, quiciera que entendieras que no soy complicada mas soy lo que este mundo creo y por ende eso crei que debia ser. Quiciera que quererme no fuera una tarea pero un placer.

Quiciera que tu amor fuera suficiente. NO LO ES. Quiciera que tus halagos fueran suficiente. NO LO SON. Quiciera que tus caricias fueran suficiente. NO LO SERAN. Quiciera que pudiera dejar de sentirme tan nada. PERO no puedo, no puedo convatir este odio tan profundo que me esta matando y dejando sufrir como un martir por una causa perdida. Te odio por amarme tanto y no dejarme acabar con esta miseria, pero te amo por amarme tambien. Te amo porque me salvas dia a dia de mi misma. Te amo por darme esos besos tan llenos de amor que quedan guardados en mi corazon y me hacen SENTIR TAN REAL.Te amo por no intertar cambiarme. Te amo por darme paz. Te amo por entenderme, pero especialmente te amo por simplemente amarme tan apasionadamente como me amas y me entregas lo mas puro de tu corazon. Simplemente amandome me ensenas que el camino puede tener varias rutas y no necesitamos vagar perdidos por ahi tratando de encontrarnos, sino, dando lo mejor de cada uno para saber que lo que uno hace es lo que a uno lo HACE como persona y como fuente de energia hacia el mundo.

Jumping

2008-03-13T17:10:00.004-04:00

the day light touches us, we go by the stars and the screams are silenced.
We go away, running from all our fears.

You can't jump the bridge but a hand appears and you fall.
I can't catch you cause I'm way down, but I will try.
Next time, we fall apart.
You touch my hair but I'm gone.

You know me as well as I know you. We know we don't know enough.
You are everything I hold on to but you are now gone.
I can fly but I can't jump. It's so weird to know we are changing but to different goals.
Your smile is not for me.
I can't see you clear.

It would be nice to talk to you one more time before we both are gone.
I will jump and you can't catch me. I need to fall in pieces.
You know I will because you know me, and you know I know you and you won't be there to catch me.

But deep inside I ask myself, "You won't catch me, will you?"

gone

2008-03-09T20:58:00.004-04:00

what a weird moment. i would say much more but at this moment is the only thing i feel.

From Fer to Me

2008-03-06T23:13:00.002-05:00

Dejame entrar en tu alma,
Dejame entrar en tu vida,
Dejame estar en las cosas buenas y malas que tiene tu mundo,
Dejame que te acompañe a lo mejor a desahogar a esa pena en el corazon, y que el nudo en tu garganta se vaya por la mañana.

Dejame entrar en tus dudas y que jueguen con las mias,
Dejame entrar en tu sombra y que se fundan con las mias,
Dejame que te lo diga en soledad, yo muero cuando te veo a ti llorar,
y que si tu alma esta triste, muy triste estara la mia.

Dejame entrar en tu miedo,
Dejame ser tu confianza,
Dejame ser la balanza que equilibria tus angustias,
Dejame ser tu guarida frente al mar,
Dejame ser la tristeza que se va,
Dejame ser la alegria que ponga luz a tu vida.

Dejame ser la voz que grita cuando los traidores callan,
Dejame estar a tus orillas, ser la silla que te aguanta,
Dejame ser de tus sonrisas cuando miras la que brilla,
Dejame ser, dejame estar, dejame entrar.

Lets be happy.

2008-03-04T20:40:00.001-05:00

I wish I could be all that glitters.

I'm sorry

2008-03-04T19:33:00.006-05:00

I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm sorry I'm nothing better than this.
I'm sorry I cant go on.
I'm sorry I want say goodbye.
I'm sorry I'm gonna be gone.
I'm sorry I didnt tell you more about me.
I'm sorry so few people know who I really am.
I'm sorry I'm not capable of loving.
I'm sorry this is so hard for me

that I wont give it a second chance.
I'm sorry I'll leave you alone.
I'm sorry I didnt show you the way to get me.
I'm sorry I couldn't ask for help.
I'm sorry I took time and love from you

when I didnt deserve it.
I'm sorry because everything I have

doesnt mean anything.
I'm sorry to be so pathetic.
I'm sorry I wanna say bye but it's to hard.

So I will go and you might hate me forever

but I can't keep up with a life

that doesnt let me be fine with myself.
I'm happy I got to know you.
I'm happy that you existed in my life.
I'm happy I can see that no matter what

or who is part of my life

I dont know how to live or let be to other people.
I'm happy I know that no matter

anything else I dont wanna be here.
I'm happy I tried.

I will always keep us in my heart.

I'm happy it was only a very bad dream.

Creep

2008-03-03T21:52:00.006-05:00

Feeling inside a deep conection to nowhere. From time to time i can see the way, i can hear the music, i can fly away. Tonight we are playing the game, is like everything has been lost and now we keep searching for something we dont know. Can i tell you how sorry i am? can i speak out my words and say what is inside of this big chaos that wonders if my heart will ever step out this baloon? maybe one day ill be able to do this wihout being sad. maybe the day arrives and i dont even notice but there you will be. Awaiting for that miracle that you know deep inside Im gonna bring to life. You know im something more than this but i cannot find the way to explore it. Would you be so kind to go inside my mind and turn on the light. life is to short but i wanna give it a chance to blow. I wish I was something better, something we could safe, but im only this mess, Im only the things you see, so by the moment dont expect to see someone else.

donde voy a terminar?

2008-03-03T20:05:00.001-05:00

quien sabe las cosas que el futuro traera, si siquiera el presente me vuelve loca, me pierde y me parte en mil piezas que nadie es capaz de recomponer. Quien sabe que estupideces hare yo de mi vida, que no tiene principio ni fin. Quien sabra que sera manana, si hoy no puedo pasar la noche sin llorar.

Lost inside.

2008-02-27T18:53:00.003-05:00

Se puede invadir el lugar que uno habita?

Se puede no ser parte de algo que uno construyo?

Se puede diagnosticar un enfermo a si mismo?

Puede ser que todos los sentimientos se mesclen y se pierdan en la confucion de saber el hecho de ser dueno no lo hace ser senor de tal. Me vence el hecho de verlo todos los dias, ver como se exige tanto y se da tan poco. Habitamos un lugar, un par de metros cuadrados sin embargo no convivimos, no somos uno en total. Tan solo somos individuos yendo y viniendo sin un rumbo aparente. Creemos ser parte de un bien mayor, y a veces nos encontramos demasido solos para admitir que la ruta no siempre sigue un patron, no siempre es clara, no siempre encontraremos a alguien para compartir los pesares.

Es feo sentirse perdido en la inmesidad

del caos que constituye este mundo.

Es feo sentir que no hay nada que probar,

todo ha sido experimentado y la alienacion

de las vidas concluye en otro callejon sin salida.

A veces me pregunto si pertenecemos a algun lugar,

si existe un destino,

si el futuro lo hace cada uno,

si lo que yo veo gris es negro y lo que es blanco no lo veo.

Me pregunto el motivo de existir en un mundo

donde solo hay violencia,

y si no la hay yo misma la creo con agrios silencios,

perdidos en la espontaneidad de la ignorancia.

Es que somos parte de un fin que no logramos entender y todas las vivencias de las cuales somos parte valen la pena ser vividas? Sera que tengo que vivir toda una vida para darme cuenta que las respuestas son tan simples como conocerme a mi misma? Sera que no es un misterio que el estar pensando en todo esto tan solo me hace cuestionarme mas cosas y no me da tiempo a responder ninguna...?

too complicated to think about a title

2008-02-08T23:41:00.000-05:00

can i say something? can i speak freely, without concernings about you or anyone else? can i be anything i want to be?

Your face says things my head doesnt understand; sometimes i feel you dont know i think, but i do, i do think about the silences which speak more than your words. There are times I miss the feeling of seeing everything and understanding there is a mayor deal than ourselves, but i have become too selfish and there isnt an aswer anymore at every question my heart needs to ask. Days like these, i feel its not easy to be me. I feel it would be better not to feel, run away from my heart and let it die somewhere else.

Watching a movie I realized this world is not enough. There is so much beauty but at the same time I have a feeling Im not awake at all. I feel inside a dream and it doesnt finish, continues long enough to feel its endless. There are feelings I wish I were able to explain, but despite all my effort, I cant translate what is inside me.

I know I started asking questions and then i just jumped to other stuff but i have so much inside, its like i dont want to lose anything. At the same time i feel my questions have to do with the fact that nothing seems real and from there i can go to the eternal dream.

I wish I could write better

wut im feeling,

im trying so hard

its almost making me think

not posting this blog

at all.

Can I be umpluged? Just let me sleep in your arms.

Let me be next to you and make me

believe everything is going away

from my troubled mind.

Lets go where I dont need you to be in peace,

but where I want you because I am in peace.

tu amistad en abc

2008-02-08T22:53:00.009-05:00

Porque sos mi amigo, una brujula que me guia, llena de carino, detallista y perfecta para formar lazos eternos. La frialdad del mundo no ha opacado el gran y hermoso corazon que tenes. Tenes la integridad que muchos ni por intentar podrian obtener... y por mas sabio que sos tu alma es joven y llena de kilometros por recorrer... Tu cara siempre esta en mi mente, con tus lentes y el pelo desordenado... tan cerca y tan lejos me llenan de lagrimas los ojos por sentir que no puedo darte mil abrazos... No ha distancia que podria oprimir todo lo que siento y deseo para vos. Porque no me es posible imaginar mi vida sin vos en ella, sin tus palabras, sin tus transmisiones telepaticas, sin tus abrazos... Te quiero y respeto infinitamente, te siento tan certa y tan lejos en un solo instante, me quiebra la cabeza pensar que la distancia podria algun dia llegar a alejarnos, me da tanto temor pensar perder tu amistad. Sos el unico best que podria tener, sos el unico best que quiciera tener... Vales demasiado y no-matter-what estare aqui cuando me necesites, cuando no me necesites, y cuando tan solo me eXtranes.... No dejes que mis palabras te zozobren... tan solo te dicen cuanto me desespera sentirte tan lejos.

Porque he tratado de terminar este texto desde el 2008 y recien hoy, 11 de septiembre del 2011 a las 9.54 pm de la noche lo pude lograr. Pude volver y saber exactamente lo queria decir, porque no hubiera aceptado decir nada menos que lo que mi corazon me dictara... Porque si detesto que la distancia me haga sentir tan alejada, quizas como nunca antes lo habia logrado... Quizas por el simple hecho que yo no supe cuidar mis amistades de mejor manera es que me es imperativo transmitir todo lo que siento. Por que realmente me da panico sentir que puedo perderte y que todo lo que vivimos juntos quede en el recuerdo de lo que fue una hermosa amistad en vez de una memoria mas que seguimos formando en el presente. Sos demiasiado y perder este lazo es algo que no me podria perdonar. Yo lo se, se que vivimos vidas tan diferentes, tan distantes, tan incompatibles ciertas veces, pero eso nunca fue un impedimento para seguir regando la plantita. Y te quiero tanto, te tengo tantas veces en mis pensamientos y me da bronca no hacer algo cada vez que te pienso, me da bronca conformarme con un simple comentario, en vez de una carta o de sentirme estupida por pretender que la distancia no lastima.

En fin, te quiero, y ese es el proposito de publicar esto: decirtelo con palabras, pedirte que vos tambien me tengas presente incluso sin decir nada, pedirte que los dos sigamos sabiendo que estamos siempre, que no hacen falta titulos ni llamadas para saber que contamos con la amistad que tanto tiempo hemos formado.

Nunca lo olvides, siempre seras mi best.

love me.

2008-01-03T23:31:00.000-05:00

Love me like the first day you felt buterflies inside your body.

Love me like this is the last day for us.

Love me beyond the stars.

Happy Holidays

2007-12-21T23:14:00.000-05:00

I wish...

2007-12-20T23:14:00.000-05:00

I wish I weren't so in love with you...

I wish I didn't love the way you look at me,

the way you stare at me and
your mind goes to unknown places...

I wish I didn't love how you say
those beautiful things,

all so sweet, all so cute, all so you...

I wish I didn't get all that crazy

when you call and we don't wanna hang up...

I wish I didn't wish you, I didn't like you,

I didn't need you...

Yet is there when I realized that

you are everything I was waiting for

and that there isn't anything bad about
wishing, wanting, and needing you;
is there when I see the truth about us.
We are more than what

I thought we were going to be.
You mean love. You mean safety.

You mean happiness.
And that's why being in love with you is so perfect.

Im so in love with who you are.

2007-12-19T13:59:00.000-05:00

What is Love?

Is it just a word?

Can someone say what it means?

Or is just a bunch of great emotions & feelings?

For me is just one word,

IT'S YOU.

He Has Changed My Stars

2007-12-14T23:58:00.000-05:00

he changes the stars
he makes them go by
he kisses my face
he hugs my body
he dreams about me

he doesnt need a picture to remember me
he doesnt need a phone call to hear my voice
he doesnt need my head to touch my hair
he doesnt need all that glitters to luv me

he just thinks about me like his princess
and all of the sudden i feel im
in top of the whole world.

he makes me laugh like a little girl
watching some silly cartoon.
he has changed the stars just for me.
he has errased my past and made it
go away from my memory.

he is what i was waitting for and looking
at the wrong place.
he is so much more than just a boy.
he is mine now.
he is everything i want, i care,
i hold on to.

He has changed my stars.

take a taste

2007-11-28T21:05:00.001-05:00

i miss you. even though i havent been with you, i miss you. i don't know whether we are just joking or our minds are thinking the same. i don't know what i wanna know. i like the way you smile, the way you say my name, the way you seem so far away. i miss a lot of things, its hard to be away from friends, but whenever your making a stupid joke, saying something i dont understand or sending me a message i have no idea wut the hell u r talking about, you make me go inside my head and smile.

i lost a lot of things but the ones i regret the most are the opportunities that life gave me and i let them go away. now i dont know what to say, i dont know how to talk to you, i dont know if you are just joking, but the feeling that i might get wut i want is wonderful.

i wantttt it and i will have it.

2007-11-28T20:37:00.000-05:00

its not enough to know wuts wrong, you gotta go and fix it.

its not enough to see the truth, you gotta go and make it happen.

its not enough to luv him, you gotta go and tell him.

its not enough to feel it, you gotta go and show it.

its not enough to own it, you gotta go and make it yours.

its somewhere i dont know, im not supposed to go there,

im not involved with it and still,

i gotta go and try it,

i gotta make it happen,

i gotta show them i can do it,

even more because its from other planet.

Make it, feel it, live it, control it. win it. Own him.

She

2007-11-23T17:32:00.000-05:00

she was so prety, alone, waiting, holding, trying to make the night. she was peaceful and graceful, she was everything you would have liked. she was kind and sweet, she wasamazingly warm, she was more than this. Her eyes could melt ice, Her lips could be felt like roses, her skin could touch as a light wind which on his face was felt like caresses.

However, her love was her touch, her kisses, her gift.

I won.

2007-11-23T16:28:00.000-05:00

llenar el espacio vacio de tus miradas, de tus angustias, es perderse en vos y que mi mundo se estremesca porque vos nos sos una ilusion, porque existis y porque tengo tu manos sobre mi piel, es saber que me celas, que no te gusta que haya otros, que deliras cuando escuchas que el telefono suena y no es una amiga.

Es verte sufrir, como yo lo hacia cada vez que me dejabas esperando para saber si ibas a ver a tu novia. Es verte debil, esperando mi respuesta. Es escuchar tu voz en el contestador esperando que yo atienda.

Es saber que te has vuelto un esclavo de mi placer y mis deseos, y por sobre todo es poder jugar con vos como vos lo hiciste conmigo.

titulo en proceso

2007-11-23T16:19:00.000-05:00

Es verte, sentirte, palparte,

es consumir el aire q dejas,

canela para mi lengua es imaginar

tener tus labios en mi piel,

es llamarte, escuchar tu voz,

hablarte y escuchar el silencio

que nos une a pesar de la distancia.

El sonido de tu voz es tan profundo

que rompe mis paredes.

Cambiamos, nos vamos,

nos dejamos,

pero tu recuerdo

en mi piel esta,

en mis dedos, en mis venas.

Tu recuerdo llena el vacio

que tu ausencia me da.

Tus ojos me hacen recordar

el color del cielo

en una noche de primavera.

Tus ojos me recuerdan

a cosas q nunca vi.

El aire que respirábamos juntos,

el aire que rozaba nuestras caras,

el aire que nos dejaba habitar.

El aire que hoy esta viejo porque vos no estas.

Es todo esto y mas

2007-11-23T16:12:00.000-05:00

Deci que por lo menos vos tenes eso que es una ilusión, yo tengo cogidas gratis, y ya aburren, quiero eso, eso que te da en todo el cuerpo no solo la chucha, eso que se te ve en la cara, eso que te mueve el piso no porque te la están metiendo pero por como te miran y te dicen, te amo.

Es entregarse al ritmo que te lleva de la mano, es cambiarte 80 veces no para verte sexy, sino para verte a vos y que el te mire y sepa que sos suya, no tu chucha, vos, tus manos, tus sonrisas, tus silencios.

Es esperar por la llamada esa que te va a hacer, es decirle a la cara, quiero estar con vos. Es cambiar la forma en hablarle a otros hombres porque ya tenes el que queres.

Es mojarte pensando en el, no en su pija, en su cara, en sus palabras. En todo lo que lo hace el y en la mágica persona que te convertís cada vez que estas con el.

Es verte en sus ojos, es verte y saber quien sos porque no te perdiste en el sino que te encontraste.

Stupid Bitch

2007-09-22T23:21:00.000-04:00

Hahaha, you are so funny, yess, Im not kidding, you are not funny but hilarious. I hate when you know that you have to do something but u r so scared that u do shit. Nothing. Zip. Cero. Hate you when you start crying and torturating yourself because he was an asshole. I hate you when you stop loving yourself and offer your body at such a cheap price. I hate when you start loosing control of yourself. I hate you when nothing is right and you feel is your fault yet it isn't.

I hate looking at the mirrow and want to be someone else. I hate caring about men when they dont care about me. I would love to let you go. You need to loose me. You need to know what life is without me. You need me out.

Ashes are calling. The dust is on my face, I need to let you go.

Why am I crying, i dont even know you. Why this feeling hurts so much? Why cant i let you go?

Not available

2007-09-22T09:54:00.001-04:00

FUCK, i can't write, a lot of ideas in my head yet none in paper.

lmg

2007-09-12T20:31:00.000-04:00

stop looking at me.
look at her.
say it.
say it now.
say it loud.
change your mind.
stay at hers.
stay away from me.

For how long are we gonna play this game? How long is gonna take us to grow up? Where are the dreams that god has forgotten? Where are you when Im not here? Where is the love you preach to have for me?

My bday!

2007-09-09T21:23:00.000-04:00

my bday!

it was nice to spend time with the people I love!

thanks for being with me every time I need you!

L.U.S.T.

2007-08-19T22:11:00.000-04:00

Sobran las palabras, lo viste en mis ojos, lo viste en mi cuerpo, lo viste en mi. Supongo que la ocacion amerita que te escriba una palabras... Tantas veces me senti incapaz de verte feliz al lado mio, de que mi presencia fuera bienvenida, que mis palabras fueran escuchadas, mas hoy mis ojos encontraron los tuyos, tus dedos encontraron mi piel, mis labios los tuyos, mi cuerpo se hizo tuyo y vos, aunque por un instante, fuiste mio.
Hoy no fue el primer dia que me hiciste feliz pero nunca habia bajado a palabras lo que haces surgir en mi, cada una de las sensaciones que me haces vivir, cada una de la emociones que me haces sentir, cada uno de los recuerdos que dejas en mi cuerpo, everywhere in me. You made me feel complete.

I give up...

2007-08-15T19:27:00.000-04:00

I give up loving someone who doesn't feel a thing.
I give up thinking about ways to make you happy.
I give up remembering all the great moments.
I give up taking time out for you.
I give up letting you hurt me.
I give up talking to you when you never listen.
I give up asking for love.
I give up on you.