Roten

How to look him in the eye? how to be nice and be safe at the same time? how to understand the nature of his soul if you can't believe he has one...? how to let it go when your own safety is at risk every second he looks at you in an inappropriate way? how to hug him if every inch of yourself tells you he's going to touch you?

She wonders so many times how to act around him, how to be the loving creature she is when all she can think is that he will indeed do something to be closer to her and invade her soul not letting her be free of fear. It is so hard to see her fight herself to keep distance and to embrace him as her family. It is hard because I see how scared she is and the inability of saying something is killing her like a bomb from within that eats her alive. She remembers the days when this wasn't a problem and misses them because they seem never to come back. There is voice in her head that hasn't stopped screaming in the longest time.

I feel her disgusted by the thought of him doing things thinking of her, wanting to scream and tell the world what a pervert this perfect looking person really is. I hate seeing her twitch because she can't erase the image of him getting aroused while staring at her even when having a communal dinner. I know she suffers thinking of what would happen if she talks. I know because her eyes can't hide her soul, can't hide the fear, can't hide the silent screams.

I wish she breaks out from her own barriers and even if she doesn't speak of it to others, she stops telling herself it's ok.