to feel

To feel this useless. To know that everything would change if I didn't feel so negative. To know the answer and not the question. To let go of the important because the small and insignificant truth is intimidating you already. To cry in silence and to hide the screams of the sorrows that torture your soul. To aim and lose. To love and hate. To speak. To talk. To hear. To listen. To put the table for lunch and cook dinner for a husband coming back from work. From the war. From the distant hidden dark. To control. To control yourself. To control your situation. To shape others' situations. To lose them. To miss them. To forgive them. To forget them. To forgive me and you. To apologize. To regret. To remember. To silence the crying in the lost darkness of a wandering soul. To you and me. To the I that matters. To the I that feels. To the I that goes. To the I that does not. To the time that has passed and that will not come back. To the regrets we feel together. To the regrets I have of you and the ones You of I. To love and to cry for it is not true that love is understandable but surely should be enjoyable. To the love that hurts and does not let happiness exist in my life.

Cuevana | The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Cuevana | The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Closure

How do I tell you that I wanna be with you so badly? How can I tell you if our timing is never right...? How do I tell you I've been waiting for someone like you but when I finally get to see the real you is not what I want?

How do I tell myself it is ok to think I want something and when I see how that actually would (not) work let it go if inside I feel all I care about is you wanting to be with me...? How do I let you go when you were never here anyways? How do I erase memories I created in my mind when all the real ones were painful and empty of passion, thoughtfulness, or even love?

I do, I just see you for who you are and what I become when I'm around you. I do, I just forget all the memories that never existed and remember all the times your indifference hurt me. I do, I accept that wanting something to the extreme of changing it in my mind so it wouldn't feel so wrong is actually wanting something different, something better, something else...

Fight Club

"All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not."

"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

"The things you own end up owning you."

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken."

One size doesnt fit all

When you talk about time you make me wander of times we haven't shared but that I've imagined infinite times in my mind. You make me think of all the things I would say when I wake up and dial the phone. The silences I would love to share with you in middle of a sunset sitting in the stairs and playing with my fingers in your hair. I imagine walking next to you and daydreaming at the same time, singing songs when we are apart, and surprising you at your job. I wonder if we ever had a chance. I wonder if they weren't here, would you ask me out?

Would you ever be so brave to face your own fears and let go of the ones that have hurt you and give a chance to the ones that have only helped you? Would you let me in your life not as a friend but as a girl? Would you let me in your heart and give it to me to take care of it? Would you care for me back? Would your smile still be the same that when you laugh at our conversations? Would you ask me out?

I want to stop wandering and live up the dream, the dream of you wanting me, not even loving, but wanting to try it. Just wanting to know what it feels like being someone like me. I want you to see what I see: a sea of chances awaiting for you to chose one from them. All I want is not to be the only one dreaming of different realities were we are actually together.

I feel the fear in my bones, telling me what a bad idea this is. I feel it in my heart, screaming at my mind, telling it that we are gonna get hurt because there are too many unknown variables. I also listen to my being screaming that this is right. Wanting you is what I feel in every part of my being. There isn't a single cell that isn't telling me you are worth all of this.

I don't even wanna know what we would do in a month, week, or day. I just want a minute worth of us, of a real us.

I am tired of trying, I want to be, and if there is anyone I want to be with is you.

M.

I wish i could see you for who you are.

Not me thinking you're different,

special, or even cute.

I wish I didn't need to lie

to myself believing things

will change when

we keep doing the same.

I wish you were here

so I would stop imagining

what it would be.

qrt.

Necesito volver a encontrarme, necesito decirle a esa persona que llefo aca hace cuatro anos que no cambie, que sea lo que es y quiera ser ella misma todo el tiempo. necesito de sus palabras de furia y guerras, las peleadas a muerte, las escondidas, las sucias, y las desgastadas. necesito ensenarle que lo que puede ser a veces es peor de lo que es y lo que es puede ser mejor sin cambiarlo. necesito decirme cuan vacio esta el cuarto y cuan desesperado esta el corazon. necesito de mi ahora mismo para callar este silencio que me pide a gritos quererme.

te veo.

Quiciera verte como sos.

Quiciera saber la verdad de tu esencia.

Quiciera saber de que esta hecha tu alma.

La noche cae sobre mis hombros y al mirar atras veo sombras de lo que eramos y dejamos escapar. Te pense demasiado y cuando entendi que lo que pensaba no era real me di cuenta que no tan solo me perdi en vos pero en la ilusion que todos son de una forma en la que yo projecte mis suenos...

Me di cuenta que vos eras vos y nada de lo que yo queria que fueras era verdad. Una parte de mi desperto. Otra sigue despertando. La luz alumbra mis ojos y los refleja en vos las veces que me miras.

Te pido que no me mientas.

Quiciera ser lo que vos me sonas asi como quiciera que vos fueras mi sueno hecho real. Quiciera besarte y hundirme en tus brazos, hacer que el sueno sea verdad y n

o una fantasia infantil de cuentos de hadas y hechizos magicos que enriedan nuestros corazones en un amor ficticio.

Quiciera amarte por lo que sos y no por lo que quiero que seas.

Quiciera dejar de querer absolutamente todo para librarme y librarte de mi mente. Te quiero dar todo y a pesar que tengo nada, es la entrega la que me mata de furia y temblor...

Cuando estas al lado mio y pienso

en besarte pero me doy cuenta

que no sos real.

Que todo vos sos un delirio

de mi mente que viaja

en el tiempo

buscandote en algun momento

donde amarte

no fuera tan incorrecto.

palabras.

Y la intensa necesidad de amarte,

pero no saber quien sos...

querer creer que somos unicos

y no tenerte para amarte.

Decirte cuanto te necesito,

sentirme ilusa e inocente.

Quererte,

porque es mas facil que dejarte ir.

Querer decirte lo que siento

y sentirme perdida.

Querer dejar de mirarte

y encontrar que vos tambien

estas mirando...

Decirte hola y que te quedes callado.

Decirte te amo y sentirte con miedo.

Irme, y saber que no vendras detras

de mi para detenerme.

Mirar atras y ver que no estas,

mirar y decir adios al aire.

Mirarme y decir te extrano,

porque hay un pequeno sueno

que dejo de existir

porque nunca fue real.

Verte en la calle y pretender no conocerte.

Decir adios al sueno y desconocerlo.

again.

I love you, day and night. I love you, even when you don't. I love you when it's dark. I love you in front of the sun. I love you when you are quiet and when we are quite loud. I love you when we are together and when you are gone. I love you when we argue and I love you when we are done. I love you when you smile. I love your hands and your hugs. I love the sound of the phone when I receive your call. I love waiting for you to be in time and getting mad when you are late so I punish you by being upset and making you feel guilty even if it's only for a little while. I love saying "I don't know" and drive you nuts. I love singing out loud because I'm thinking of us. I love the fact that I am and sometimes you are.

Numb

Something tells me to go on. To believe in that things happen for a reason. I tell myself life is more than facts and dates, more than words and books... I tell myself that thing always get better and that every thing has a purpose to make me learn how to live life to the best of my abilities. I try to understand how to be myself in a world that pleasing others is as important to succeed.

I can't stop thinking of the things I've done wrong, of the things I've spoiled, of the things that will never be the same because I didn't do my best. I try to tell myself that if they are ruined it is because it was supposed to happen, but what if they didn't... What if they were meant to grow into something even better and somehow my actions destroyed the path? I try not to feel remorse and try to fix them... but sometimes fixing it is not enough and there is nothing anyone can do to bring them back to how they were.

I try to feel smart, capable, and accountable for all my actions but there is this emptiness inside me that eats my soul and brings me down to my lowest. It's a place of memories, pain and suffering, it's a place of grays and question marks that comes to its boiling point every time I let the shield down. Keeping it up all the time isn't the solution either. I wish I could but I know I would shut so many great people out of my life I would end up alone anyways.

2011

Maybe it's just a feeling but somehow i thought I had already made an entry this year but I guess not... a particular quote of my own that I feel it's extremely realistic for what the last couple of weeks have been for me is:

"it's when it hurts the most that you need to keep your eyes open. you might just wake up from a bad dream or have been given the chance to change it all."

Roten

How to look him in the eye? how to be nice and be safe at the same time? how to understand the nature of his soul if you can't believe he has one...? how to let it go when your own safety is at risk every second he looks at you in an inappropriate way? how to hug him if every inch of yourself tells you he's going to touch you?

She wonders so many times how to act around him, how to be the loving creature she is when all she can think is that he will indeed do something to be closer to her and invade her soul not letting her be free of fear. It is so hard to see her fight herself to keep distance and to embrace him as her family. It is hard because I see how scared she is and the inability of saying something is killing her like a bomb from within that eats her alive. She remembers the days when this wasn't a problem and misses them because they seem never to come back. There is voice in her head that hasn't stopped screaming in the longest time.

I feel her disgusted by the thought of him doing things thinking of her, wanting to scream and tell the world what a pervert this perfect looking person really is. I hate seeing her twitch because she can't erase the image of him getting aroused while staring at her even when having a communal dinner. I know she suffers thinking of what would happen if she talks. I know because her eyes can't hide her soul, can't hide the fear, can't hide the silent screams.

I wish she breaks out from her own barriers and even if she doesn't speak of it to others, she stops telling herself it's ok.

Caricias

Besos, carino, me hacen falta besos en los labios y risas en mis oidos. me hacen falta palabras y abrazos. me hacen falta esos sonidos que solo pasan si estamos juntos. me hace falta la expresion de alegria en tu cara cuando me ves y me hablas de cosas que no entiendo. me hace falta que tu mano me toque la piel y puedas transmitir una sensacion de seguridad a mi ego.

U will be my forever Paris.

Because when the lights go off, I start thinking about you and everything else doesnt matter. Just knowing the love we have for each other and the strength of our bond can get me thru everything and that my words help you overcome difficult paths is the most rewarding kind of relationship I've ever had. I know I dearly wish to be there with you and share this day, share everyday in our hearts today has to be enough, because the distance is bringing us together and not apart as we have proved all these years. The bond I feel in my soul with you is never broken and today more than ever I'm hugging you, letting you know how much I love you and how important you are in my life. Forever yours,

Your Paris.

sometimes a picture is better than thousand words.

peque

i miss you, i miss you more than I can actually explain. I miss your voice and miss your touch. I miss you calling me and saying "you're late". I miss you picking up at home and after, bringing me back. I miss you saying "peque" and miss me smiling back at you. I miss you telling me "don't leave" and I miss you saying "stay with me." I miss you, when the lights go off and it's time to sleep but I can't because I wish you were here. I miss you when we talk because I don't have you next to me to goof around and win. I miss you because I remember how perfect we were for each other and those times are long gone.

ella.

donde estas? quiero verte. donde estas? quiero escucharte. donde estas? quiero hablarte. donde estas? quiero abrazarte. donde estas? quiero dejar de extranarte. donde estas? quiero dejar de sonarte. donde estas? quiero dejar de escuchar musica que me recuerde a vos. donde estas? quiero dejar de ver peliculas que me recuerden a vos. donde estas? quiero dejar de sentir este vacio por tu ausencia. donde estas? quiero dejar de preguntarte y encontrarte tocando el timbre inexistente de mi puerta. donde estas? quiero dejar de escribir y decirte a la cara todo lo que quiero que escuches. donde estas? hoy no es suficiente estar sacando mi "extranamiento" por escrito y no hay un portal magico que te deje aparecer en mi casa. Hoy simplemente no es suficiente y no hay nada que yo pueda hacer para que en tus manos aparescan una visa y un pasaje. Y hoy me revienta demasiado.

dot

Tonite I'm just wandering about saying things to people and people telling me things that I'm not prepared to hear. Tonight I wish I was stronger and more polite. Sometimes I just should shut up.

es-cri-bir

Sentada en este cuarto, esperando que mis ojos se cierren y de repente despierte recordando que tengo que dormir porque manana esa prueba es lo unico que me separa del fin de semana. Trato de evitar distraerme pero como siempre tengo el impulso de hacer lo que no necesito en el momento que tengo que hacer algo mas. Es particular el interes que tengo en encontrar paradigmas de la vida a horas de examenes que deberian ser mi prioridad. Obviamente hoy no es la exepcion.

Hoy me encuentro en este pequeno cuarto, mirando como la gente pasa y se pierde entre los otros cuartos, mesas, o simplemente se van a sus casas. Trato de leer y de razonar lo que estoy leyendo pero hay una pequena voz que me dice "escribi. Escribi estas cosas que estas sintiendo y que te invaden el alma con mas fuerza que un torrente de agua en mares revoltosos." Sinceramente no puedo hacer suficiente incapie en describir que las sensaciones que tengo cuando estoy escribiendo me llenan de alegria, de energia, de simplemente querer correr, sin direccion particular pero al mismo tiempo en todas las direcciones posibles. Quiciera tener mas claro de que quiero escribir pero a veces no puedo y tan solo me sale hablar de lo que escribir significa para mi. Es como cabalgar un caballo sin la posibilidad de caerme, es llegar al fondo del mar y resurgir sin ahogarme, es dar un abrazo y sentir que no tengo que separarme jamas.

Hoy quizas es un dia especial y finalmente he encontrado las palabras que describen lo que es poder decir lo que siento y lo que veo, es poder decir "aca estoy" sin gritarlo, sin demostrarlo, sin verlo. Hoy me encuentro en este pequeno cuarto y se que manana, el manana que vendra mucho tiempo despues de estos examenes, pruebas, y tareas, tambien podre escribir sobre lo que veo, siento, y quiero.

Hoy tan solo quiero verme y escribir.

I wander...

Sometimes is more important to know who you are than going in quests asking others to tell you what they think of you. Sometimes is just more important to trust yourself rather than asking others if they trust you. Sometimes all you need to do is to have a little faith and remember that in life such things as coincidences don't exist. I wish I could explain the feelings that now are running so fast through my heart, my soul. I wish I could tell someone to grab my hand and just transmit somehow all the thoughts that can’t stop falling in my brain. I sure wish I could let go of some impossible expectations I have of other people and only focus on my goals, dreams, and trust that I'm wise enough to choose the right path for me. I wander about life and what I might end up doing of mine but somehow I feel there are some things that are only uncovered with time and after certain experiences have been lived.

Samantha: u are my hero

“Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.”

“I'm gonna say the one thing you aren't supposed to say. I love you... but I love me more. I've been in a relationship with myself for 49 years and that's the one I need to work on.”

“Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls... because they can.”

Paris is still waiting for us.

Hoy necesito hacerte entender lo que vos sos para mi. Hoy no puedo decir, "ella ya lo sabe." Hoy tengo demasiada bronca porque necesito tenerte a mi lado, sacando fotos estupidas y sin sentido, escraches que nos hacen reir pero que estan guardadas en mi compu y en la tuya. Hoy el dia no tuvo 24 horas sino 24 anios de distancia entre mi y mis sentimientos, por un momento pense que los habia perdido cuando por casualidad entre a tu blog y empece a leer desde el primero que subiste. y vi un par de cosas que nunca las habia encontrado, cosas donde hablas de nuestra amistad, de "la rubia," de todo.

Y yo se que no empezas oraciones con Y pero tengo que decir Y me senti tan bien y tan mal, tengo tantas ganas de llorar porque hace 3 meses te vi y es como si fueran anios, no puedo con la distancia, no puedo con el hecho que no se cuantos mas meses nos separan de nuestro proximo encuentro. No puedo encontrar la forma de conformar todos los mundos en los que vivimos. Odio esta impotencia, la odio porque me hacer dar cuenta de que tan poco poder tenemos sobre nuestras propias vidas. Me da bronca querer estar al lado tuyo hablando de chicos, del futuro, de peliculas, de libros, de vos y de mi, de nosotras, de posibles viajes, de viajes imposibles, de actores que violariamos, de chicos que le dariamos, de hombres que nos gustaria supieran que existimos, no nosotras per se, pero que somos tan reales como las rubias huecas de las q quizas deseamos tener un par de sus cualidades...

Necesito de ese calorcito que me das cuando me quedo en tu casa... del tecito o mate y la galletita y el dormi con los angelitos. Necesito mimarte y hacerte saber que si hay alguien en este planeta que merece encontrar amor sos vos y nadie mas. Necisito llevarte al teatro y mostrarte Grand Central y sacarnos SATC pics, vos podes ser la que mas te guste y yo Samantha.

Podriamos decir que estoy en caprichosa, que me agarro un berrinche, que los pocos tornillos que me quedaban se fueron por la ventana y probablemente tendrias razon. Quiero contarte de mis andanzas y travesuras, de Halloween pero quiero hacerlo cara a cara. Quiero que me mires y me re cagues a pedos porque pensas que "va a terminar mal" y despues analicemos la situacion desde 600 angulos diferentes.

Quiciera dejar de extranarte pero eso seria como pedirle a mi corazon que dejara de latir. Es asi de mucho como te adoro, te quiero, te amo.

sigh.

Today I found this song that i really like and have been listening to it about 60 times already. I probably like it because of the lyrics and the music but also because of the overall of the song and how her voice makes you feel how she felt, or at least how the character from the song did. I feel an incredible energy when I listen to it and I even used it when at the gym... Kind of funny that the song is not even fast or anything like that but you can guess I loved it because I was at the gym for around three hours and there was only one song on the playlist.

Tonight is definitely a weird night, it has been that way since monday when the phone didn't actually ring... So I told myself he's respecting the three day rule and suddenly I realized I had to do a phone call myself... Today I've started the process of being honest not only with someone but with myself. It would be unrealistic to put all the guilt in someone else if I am an elephant walking down the street, I even should feel lucky but somehow I don't because deep inside I know that the elephant thing is complete bullshit and seriously, if the guy was interested he would have made a move already.

I feel so confused. When they look nice and good guys they screw u anyways, when they look bad u already know what will happen and finally actually good guys don't have the most remote idea of how to screw u... I feel sad, the kind of sad that I haven't known in a really long time, when I used not to behave and feel the pain that pointless relationships left me with. I feel sad because now I'm older and this shouldn't hurt, it really shouldn't but it hurts me, not because of him but because I did know better.

adele.

hometown.

Really deep inside we all know the answers to our most fearful questions. It is only a matter of time and maturity to allow ourselves to find them.

Cliche after cliche we keep playing the same game..

all u need to know is that the only person who will be there for the rest of your life is yourself so stop trying to make others first when the last one will be yourself.

Hot mess express

I'm really tired. I feel a lot of things have happened. He slept with her. She says she has issues realizing about the consequences of her actions... and then she asks, "Am I still your friend?" of course baby... my best friend who slept with my ex-boyfriend one week after i left... He says he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and here we all are. A hot mess express. she says "im sorry" i say "im sorry too" we all sorry and no one cares who fucks whom, whose boyfriend is mine, yours, or his/her. and to think i was gonna call him, ask him for a coffee and be nice. maybe a little kiss and now, she fucked him. she liked it. she said now she's lost. now I'm lost. we all lost it. at least now they fuck together. and of course, i fuck the tree. hush! people fucking next door. ohh no. they already left... and a little note that says "now who fucked whom, huh!?" you fucked me. you fucked me up. that is the only fuck you got. ohhh. wait! nah... i already fucked him too. is this fair? is his turn of making me cry and feel inexistent and unimportant...

go fuck yourself.

and now what!?

And i am mad at myself because even when I'm feeling great I usually go and fuck it up. Even knowing how hard it is for me to feel quite and calm, as soon as i see the chance of some adrenaline going up my blood, i take it and i take it till the end.

And that is how i met boys, guys, and men... yes, each of them are a different kind. I wish I had a radar so i would only meet men, but no, of course not. I have to meet the boy who just wants to be friends with benefits, the guy that is too cool to date anyone, or the men (and probably is the only kind of men I hate) that wants to put a ring on your finger on the second date. But where is my guy, the one cool enough not to be a looser, nice enough to care about me, stupid enough to like me, and awesome enough to want to date me? Does anyone know!? Well, of course not, cause the ones that might have some sort of answer are the ones that want a good fuck and goodbye.

So at the end we might ask ourselves... are we ever gonna get what we want or we just have to wait until something out of this world appears and seems to be a suitable thing to date? at this rate I might as well try to be a nun... which i would fail at in about 10 minutes.

Anyhow, I met this boy, who is a nice boy, a decent boy, a boy whom I wouldn't feel I'm settling for. The thing in this case is always me. Am I too short that I need high hills to kiss him? Then I realize it is not all about me. Hey, the boy just ended his most serious relationship ever... but right there is when I must (and cannot avoid the question) ask myself: why the hell do you always go after kids who are coming out of their first and most important relationship yet? Ask me, what kind of attraction does that bring? None! all mumbo jumbo stuff that no one needs! and then of course the question of "does he still love her?" and you cannot lie to yourself so you say "yes.... maybe a little less than before, but it's still a fricking yes."

Summing up, I can say that whenever you have to ask yourself more than two essential questions, the thing is gonna get complicated and at some point, either when he realizes he still loves her, or gets tired of you being an annoying creature, or you lose confidence that the so-called relationship you are trying to have because you care is just helping him forget her and has no real interest in you, you or him or both are gonna suffer.

So now what? do I let him go like that kiss never happened? do I forget the 5 minutes that made think "this can actually be happening"? I think I can. and I think I should. Or at least wait until he reapers to be alive. Maybe is time for me to let guys go, wait for a man, a get that effing ring. JK! i will never settle for something less than a blue prince.

forest.

Finding words that express feelings is so difficult. Sometimes I get lost in the ideas that drive me into a deeper understanding of what life is, should be, and could be. Sounds help me a lot to read the signs in our daily life. Sounds make me feel and connect to an inner part of my soul that is several times unreachable. Sounds of a lost time, or electric feelings, or galactic movements, or simply air through our faces. Languages also differ, bring together a much more detailed experience of what I've lived. Even though I like words, sounds are a better channel to transmit a feeling, especially to some people.

im here again.

Feel them as they go through your blood.

Make them real by living them.

Wake up because of them but also dream to make them come true...

Let them explode inside of you like a torrent full of energy giving you the strength to go farther than you ever thought it was possible.

Give them the importance that you know they have.

Let them carry you to do whatever feels will give you happiness...

Let them go if they harm you.

Let them hurt you if you will learn from the suffering.

Let them die if no good will come from letting them be.

Let them scare you if they make you feel nothing.

Let them give you shivers when you are having them for someone.

Hide them under the bed if they make you cry until you're strong enough to face them and fight them.

Discover them if you don't know them.

Shutter them if they crash you.

Explore them if they make you feel naive.

i dont know which one u like better but i'll leave the post for you to copy them :)

the one.

Is it so bad to want something more?

Is it so bad to expect that the one will be even more than what one can describe?

Is it so crazy to set high expectations for the one that is gonna share the rest of one's life?

Is it so crazy not to want to settle for the average and fight for the extraordinary?

Who says what is good and what is bad?

Who says that the difference between two human beings can be deterred by the fact that a third says so?

Everyone can say "I love you" but the only time it will matter is when the one that touches your heart says it. No one else will make your knees tremble, your eyes emotion with tears, and your soul jump of excitement.

Learn

In a world full of ironies there are some remaining trues. There is hope in the ability of a man to love, to create, to evolve. There are people still trying to fight for the right things, to make peace, to make love, to help the world be a better place. People hold on to dreams, they work their hardest to make them true, to own the truth that will free them, to let things be the greatest they can, and to show others that no man is an iceland. Knowing what's coming for you can be a true gift or a true tragedy, there is no word to describe the sensation of a surprised soul, of a grateful heart, of an amazed human being.

i'll see u again.

Flying out of control, trying to run to you and find you, get you, and stay next to you. I believe in us, I believe you can make smile every day we share together, I believe you are the one. I miss you, I miss those long walks in a powerful silence that speaks louder than the sound of screams; that silence that whispered us that our love would survive everything, even us. I treasure the memories that soon enough will be our reality again. I will give you my everything, like those old days when we used to live for each other... Fly me to you; fly me to your arms, where I feel safe and reassuring; fly me to see you, and to see us together. Let's imagine what we'll do, where we'll go, how long our kisses will last. Let's see each other as we've changed, let's accept we both have grown up and gone different ways that have still made us come to find each other in the same place at heart. Let's let our hands tell to each other how badly they have missed being together and all those feelings distance made go numb. Let's find each other again.

end.

so at the end of the road we ask ourselves, is it worth it all the work that we put into being human beings, or it would be easier to give in and let life make us whatever we were supposed to be...?

Quotes.

"I must not subdue to anything less than to what I expect under my own terms in which I must own up to."

"O Fortune, like the moon of ever changing state, you are always waxing or waning; hateful life now is brutal, now pampers our feelings with its game; poverty, power, it melts them like ice."

the best thing ever is to feel loved, to be loved; to have friends, to be a friend; to feel alive, to be alive; to grow up, to have grown up.

"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh Crap, She's up!" God Bless M. Gama.

Forgive as soon as possible. Love without boundaries. Laugh without control and never stop smiling.

En la locura de una ciudad llena de gente que me rodea las 24 horas del dia cada vez me siento mas sola.

"Do not let your fears get in your way"

Love is an illusion, lust is real.

Good, fine, ok... cute. no, it is not fine, it is not ok, it is not good. it is fucking hot.

simplest.

I've been trying to not write about you, cause that would mean that i actually have things to write about you and that our affair is not only random nights in your bed... it means that i can't wait for the moment i see you again and touch the back of your ears. i wish i could stop thinking of when i'm gonna see you whenever we are apart, i wish i could tell myself this is another fantasy that is about to end but whenever i see u again i cant tell you goodbye.

Live

Believe me, my heart is right next to yours... whenever, wherever, however, no matter what.

My love is an undying force that lives in you as long as you let it be a candle inside your heart. I will perish thoughts of distance because the only distance that would matter is the one we let set us apart, and that kind of distance doesn't exist between us.

it matters- blue light.

at the end of the road, it doesn't matter what way your are going, as long as you keep motivating yourself to go on.

It doesn't matter how hard it looks to grow love between two people, it matters that there is a seed.

It doesn't matter how hard you are trying, it matters that you are trying harder than ever.

It matters that you love trying your hardest.

She is there

dear love.... i wish i could whisper some thoughts.... the ones that say how much i need you, the ones that say how much i love you, the ones that say how much i feel our absence of presence.

I wish there was this door at my closet that would take me to your door and let me hug you, I wish this door would exist in reality because it already exists in my heart, where I treasure all our memories and where I keep your sweet smiles every time I feel them...

Mas cartas para ella.

I guess no one has the right to tell you what to do, but here I am, trying to help you out this discomfort zone you seem to be living in. It is hard as it is to try to hold on into something you don’t even know. There might be people out here trying to help you but you are so busy trying to see all the ugly stuff that is around you that you are seriously missing life.
The fact that you are not feeling well is something you only know how it feels like and the fact that you are the only one who knows makes you responsible to get yourself out of that situation. That doesn’t mean you cannot get help, there are tons of people close to you that would probably love to help you and seek for you well-being. There is only one thing you need to do, and that is to ask for their help.
Trying to swim alone sometimes is not the best idea and blaming you without taking serious responsibility into changing the circumstances you have around wont help at all. Life is danm too short to be worrying all the time whether you are doing the right thing or the wrong one. The important thing is that when you realize you messed up, go and fix it, and this is only for your own good sake.
The entire world and all the people in it have problems and sometimes not the problems anyone can resolve. More than once, these problems are really bad and they are really alone. But this is not your case. Your problems are the same ones I was facing a couple of years ago, and I know that you do have people around you who love you and want to help but don't know how to do that cause you are not letting them in. And by in, I mean that you are saying stuff in this BS (bullshit) facebook and putting statuses, but probably (and I'm a 95% sure) not talking and by this I mean reaching out to them and saying "this is my problem, help me." By the way, saying all the stuff is not the same as talking. (Decir no es lo mismo que hablar)

There are so many things you can do to start helping yourself but I know how hard it is to see this. When someone feels that they don’t want to feel anymore it is probably because they think they can't feel anymore, and this is not true at all!!! You are completely able to feel and that is what makes you being someone rather than anyone. I can't express enough how many times I made the same mistake of trying to run away from my own feelings and ended up asking myself what the hell is this life that I'm living and why do I think (it wasn't think, it was feel) it is not worth it, if there are so many things I want to do but I don’t see myself getting out of this bed tomorrow morning? The answer is not the most important thing, but the how will I get from "not wanting to be" to "be anything I want to be". And it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to answer this or that question, it is that you start, at least, a little everyday, to embrace yourself and accept that we all humans have shortcomings, and make mistakes but it is when you realize about them that you have to (and this is the responsibility that you have towards your own life) stop yourself from that path and change it. Don’t harm yourself trying to criticize everything you do, do everything in your power to do the best you can to love the person who you are, to let yourself be whoever is that you want to be. I don’t mean physically, but inside, cause once you do that, it will be much easier to work with the outside of yourself.
I seriously care about you cause I see me in you. I see my old self in you and even though we are in different parts of the world, feelings are always feelings, and if there is something I've learned in these 22 years of life is that the moment you give up on yourself there is nothing that will make you happy. Rather than fighting yourself and destroy your confidence and your tools to grow up, embrace them, embrace all that makes you stronger and not shallow. The minute we stop fighting for each other, we stop being humans.

Some great thoughts from a Psychology text...

Refering to a Humanistic chapter...

"The good life is a process, not a state of being.
It is a direction, not a destination"

"According to humanistic psychology, there is more to life than simply having all of your immediate needs met. Humanistic theorists maintain that people are not content when their immediate needs are met. Rather, they are motivated to continue their development in a positive manner. If left alone, unencumbered by life's difficulties, we eventually progress toward some ultimately satisfying state of being."

"On one studies it was discovered that people write about personal failures and humiliations, illegal activities, drug and alcohol problems, and experiences with sexual abuse. They often express guilt over regrettable actions or great sadness about a personal loss (...) Because it is customary not to burden others with our problems and because it might be too embarrassing to discuss them, most of us have not talked to many people, perhaps not to anyone, about our most traumatic experiences. But not talking about these experiences does not mean we are unaffected by them."

And yet there are more

if the reality that surrounds you
it's not the one you like,
start building a new one.


what to do when you know there is something better out there
and you are still holding to the safest choice?


Corazon, vuelve a mirarme a los ojos
que cuando tu estas,
mis miedos se escurren
entre la dulce caricia
de tus manos.


LOVe.

Blind.

Y te ame de principio a fin
en la eterna oscuridad
de nuestros pecados,
donde dos seres
se revolcaron,
llenando de pasion
un simple cuarto
de hotel...

Hoy amo el olvido,
el que todavia anelo...

Quitarte de mi destino,
asi jamas hayas sido
parte alguna del mismo...

I wish to forget you.

At the end of a night, I just wonder, I just can't speak of words that my life hasn't got yet to know.

I just wonder about love, about you and me, about the things we never did.

I'm sorry for being sorry for feeling me.

I miss you because you made me realize I can get something so much more special than what I've had.

I miss you because I haven't yet got to know something better than you but knowing he exists just makes me smile.

Make each day count

Make each day count, not because it might be the last one but because your are amazingly greatful of being part of this world.

Make each day count not for the lost time but the time that is yet to come.

Make each day count not for him or her, but both of you.

Make of everything a different thing because anything can turn into a great change of yourself.

Make each story a new one, so you can remember them as a great expirience from where you can learn not only about yourself but ourselves.

Make each love the best love, because its not only a love, its yours.

Make from each person that u know the best relationship you can have with them because its worth it.


Listen to the sounds of the music that has given sense to each day, listen carefully cause sometimes it can bring you right back to those moments.

Dont give up, not only on other people, but on yourself, you are so worth every time you try.

Dont look at me, look at us. Look how we are nothing now. Look what I was.


Give me peace of mind, give me something i can hold on to. Give me nothing but a song that says who we were.

Into the Deep

I will remember those days
when having feelings was a crime,
i will remember because
I can feel right now.

I will try to let go

of the fear of realiazing

what the truth was, is, and will always be.

A nice dream that didnt go far, didnt go anywhere

except a bed of different colors,

different fragances, different tones...

I will remember

that I could have let go.

I will remember those great songs

which can take me to the moment

I felt this nice dream was real

and forgot to leave the lights on

in case that I would fall into a deeper dream.

I remember that first ride,
I remember that question,
I remember those curious
eyes looking at me,
trying to understand
if I was for real.

I will, indeed, remember that I felt you were

making me touch the sky with your words,

with your mystery, with your everything.

I will remember

I forgot who I was

just so being with you

wouldn't be so wrong.

I will remember how much I'm missing you,

even though you might

not even remember who I am.